I find it absolutely amazing how Ubisoft managed to make the viking age, probably one if the most exciting (and controversial) ages in history, BORING AS HELL.
"How do you do that?" you ask? Let me tell you:
Let's start with the raids – you know, the thing where vikings pillaged hundreds of monasteries, towns and villages across England, slaughtering, raping and torturing thousands of innocent people while stealing everything in sight. Well Ubisoft, for good reason, decided that those raids probably wouldn't sit well with too many people, and I get that. I do. I don't want to rape or torture anyone, not even in a video game, so I expected the raids to be a bit more tame. I just didn't realise how tame. Kill a civilian? DESYNCHRONIZED. Loot a monastery filled with gilded treasure? +1 CARBON INGOT. Ransack an entire village? 400+ SUPPLIES. Rinse, and repeat. New raid, same deal. After 2 raids, you've seen it all. There's nothing new to do, to get or to see. I'd rather not.
Well, how about the gameplay at least? Fun? **No.** Not unless pressing less than three buttons gets you going, the combat in Valhalla is absolutely laughable. No challenge at all, no rewarding 'UMPH' when you wack an enemy between the eyes with your double-bladed greatsword. That goes for climbing as well. Press 'A' and move foward, and you'll watch as Eivor climbs mountain-sides as smooth as marble with ease and jump sixty feet from the top of a building, only to land safely and nearly unharmed. Oh wait, he limps for about three seconds berfore he can sprint again. I'm not saying that parkour should be hard, it is an AC game after all, but there is no challenge to climbing AT ALL. Back in AC2, you needed to do different combos to reach certain places, and it could be a bit tricky sometimes, but it felt REWARDING. Also, you couldn't climb fucking mountains. In Valhalla, if they added a building made entirely out of mirrors, I bet Eivor could fucking climb it while scratching his ass at the same time. **Yawn**
Okay, well, the story has been the strong point of AC, except for the last few, how is it in this? I'll tell you. There isn't much. It starts of great, with a strong opening that really has you longing to get to England. Once you get there, you start recruiting allies. And then you recruit more allies. And then a few more. And a few more. Oh over there's a guy from the Templars, sorry I mean the Ancient Order! Kill him! Good job, now go make another alliance! Currently, I have made alliances with 4 kings and two armies – how many alliences does my podunk in the middle of nowhere need? It's not like they've taken the time to add any meaningful trading with other cities, so what's the fucking point of these damn alliances?
Through all of my time playing Assassin's Creed: Valhalla, I kept thinking 'What's the point?'. Also, why the hell do I need to weaken someones army, when I can litteraly just run through their entire city unscathed and open the door for my useless battering ram and the rest of my men, who for some reason cannot die? There's no threat, no sense of urgency to any of it. While Unity had its flaws, it did one thing right. If you were outnumbered, you'd better get the hell out of there or buckle up, cause you'd be in for a hell of an ass kicking. It forced you to think like, oh I don't know, an ASSASSIN?
What's the point Ubisoft? I can live with you not making Assassin's Creed games be about assassins, but you better have a fucking good reason for it. And yet again, you FAIL. This game is a BORE, from start to finish. And now I'm really scared, because if you managed to make vikings boring, there's no telling what you'll ruin next.
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