This is a long read, sorry. There's a video on my channel with a concise story which I won't link here. Enjoy the story!
I first started playing WoW about 10 years ago. Azeroth was a place that I saw my big brother grow up in; particularly over his shoulder as I was watched him fight dinosaurs in Un'Goro every day. Eventually, my brother moved out and I inherited his WoW account. I wanted my experience to be as intense as his was, so I joined a Roleplaying guild. I thought that being able to act out BEING in the world would really intensify the experience. Oh, it did. For the first couple of months, I didn't really know what I was doing. I was definitely a casual Roleplayer, but this would change when I responded to a random RP guild recruitment post in General chat. This would be my first guild, and the guild where I would meet the first love of my life.
Her name was Rosilana. She was actually the one that posted the recruitment ad and conducted my first in-character interview. The interview went amazing. The way we both roleplayed really complimented one another and we quickly became frequent writing partners. We started out as friends. Two friends that loved RP. After a couple more months, I got further situated in to the guild and our characters had started dating. We were pretty much known as the 'guild couple' even though we weren't dating out of character. The Gm even made a little room in the guild Ventrilo named "Rosi+Sarth's Love Shack". This was totally against our will, but I secretly thought it was kind of hot.
I think she liked it too because when we weren't RPing together, we were spending a LOT of together. We ran dungeons, we leveled, collected mounts, pretty much everything. We became super close, to the point that we skyped each other every single night before bed. We talked about everything. We knew everything there was to know about each other; our goals, dreams, what we liked, hated, where we lived, everything! It felt amazing. But nothing made me feel better than making her laugh. She had the most beautiful laugh in the world; hearing it was like a drug to me. I was falling for this girl. I didn't even know what was happening until one night, she said something to me that i'll never forget.
It was late, we were both lying in bed, and we were in the middle of our usual conversation. I think we were talking about our characters, and I mentioned that her Elf was super hot. I was really trying to say that SHE was super hot, but my young boy brain couldn't comprehend putting my neck out like that. Right after I said it, I felt stupid. I remember slapping my forehead so hard that it was red the next day. But then, she said it. "You're super handsome!"
Just like that. I instantly felt my chest ignite in to a thousand flaming butterflies, dropped my phone, and started giggling like a rampant idiot. She just flirted with me. I knew she just flirted with me. She knew that she just flirted with me. It took me a few moments, but I managed to regain my senses, and before I could say anything, she said that she was sleepy and was gonna go to bed. I'm 99% sure that she heard me celebrating and she just didn't want me to embarrassed. We ended the call, and THAT was the beginning of something beautiful. My first love. (Sidenote, I DEFINITELY ran in to my mom's room the second we hung up and told her everything that just happened. We're super close.)
This is when things started to get more serious between us. We weren't outright flirting, but I knew that I liked her, and she knew that she liked me. Every time she logged on, I'd always say "WHODAT", and whenever I logged on, she'd say "IT'S YOU". It was really cute. This continued on for another couple months, we got closer and closer, but I was still too afraid to make a move. I thought that we were practically in a relationship anyways, just minus the actual flirting and kissing and stuff. If anything, I was content. I knew something good would happen eventually. … and then, something bad happened. Something very bad.
It was the evening, and we had just finished a guild RP event. Someone named "Devascorn" was invited to the guild. I kid you not, the first thing that this schnob said when he joined the guild was, "Guess who I am :D". I won't forget it. I was pretty friendly at the time, so I said, "Who r u". He said, "Rosilana's bf :D". There's no way for me to overstate the sinking feeling that caved inside of my chest. It's like my heart dropped in to my stomach, and then jumped back in to my throat. I instantly whispered Rosalina asking if it was true, and she said yes. It sucks that me basically begging her to tell me that it wasn't true was my confession to her, but that's how it had to be. She proceeded to tell me that she "didn't know" that I was practically in love with her. I was ready to scoop up my heart and leave, but then something else happened.
She told me that she had the same feelings for me, and that she was in an abusive/controlling relationship with this guy. I had never heard of him because I guess she was embarrassed, or scared? I've honestly never figured out why she kept it such a secret. It sure leads in to a lot of what happened with her and I in the future. Anyways, she came out to saying that she liked me back and that she wanted to leave the guy. Keep in mind that this guy was INCREDIBLY manipulative and would call her on Skype EVERY day checking to see if she was flirting with other dudes. It was creepy. She ended up cutting things off with him, and told me that she wanted a few weeks before her and I jumped in to a relationship so she didn't seem to "hollow" or something. I mean, not telling me about the dude while being my literal Juliet for the last 4 months could seem that way, but I didn't really make a point in telling her that.
After all, she was agreeing to be with me.
Let's skip ahead again. We ended up getting in to a relationship, and for the first couple months, the dude gave her a lot of trouble. He called her daily crying for her back, sent threats, tried to manipulate her, etc. It was messed up. Eventually, the dude faded out and started dating some girl from India or whatever, so he was off our backs. And for awhile? Things were PERFECT. I had found the love of my life, and every day was a miracle with her. We experienced so many new things together and it really felt like I had found my soul-mate. This would continue for YEARS. Pure heaven. But all good things have an expiration.
One day, I logged on and saw that Rosilana was roleplaying with someone else. That's totally cool. His name was Ambrose. I walk over to say hi, and it's with a guy. That's also totally cool. I introduced myself and then went off to do some dungeons, only to come back to see that they had both left. They were in a dungeon together, role playing. Okay, still cool. Maybe they're doing some kind of mini-event. I let it pass, log off to handle IRL stuff and log back on later that night to see that they're STILL in the dungeon. It's late at night. I want to Skype before bed but she says she's still busy RPing with this guy. I'm upset about it, but I go to bed.
The next day, I ask what it was all about, and she just said something about them doing a private storyline RP. She was RPing the character that wasn't in a relationship with my character, so I asked if they had planned on doing anything about it. She said that they ERP'd last night. What. The. Hell. I was NOT happy. I voiced my complaints on the idea of her basically cybering with some other dude, and she said that it was "just for the story". Okay. As someone who FREQUENTLY spends their rage-bar to World of Warcraft ERP, I can most assuredly say that Ambrose wasn't doing some weird stuff behind his monitor. She was a VERY talented writer, to say the least. They were cybering. I asked her to stop, and she was super reluctant but agreed. Things were okay for another couple weeks.
I had to leave to go on a family trip for a couple days, and Rosilana knew that. My brother was coming along too, and he had a spare laptop! Great! I could log in and RP during the evenings! So I did. I logged on, and what do I see? Ambrose had joined the guild, and him and Rosilana were RPing in their dungeon again. The second I logged on, Rosilana tried to play it off cool by saying, "HIIIII" in the guild chat, but I knew she was just deflecting. I called her, and she explained to me that she didn't want to feel "controlled". Got it. So you're cybering with some guy claiming it's for "the story", and I'm the bad guy for yelling about it. I got mad and left the guild. THIS is when things started taking a downward spiral. The guy would even message me and talk to me about how much I was a creepy, controlling, abusive boyfriend. I found him on facebook one day because he had joined his guild group or whatever and he had a picture of Shutterfly or whatever from My Little Pony. I WAS CUCKED BY SOME DUDE THAT LIKES MY LITTLE PONY? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Am I that worthless to you, Rosilana?
I started having nightmares of this man and Rosilana ERPing every single night. I woke up sweating, sometimes crying. It had gotten to the point that I didn't know how to cope with it anymore, so my body had this adverse reaction. I started getting turned on by the dreams, and the thoughts. It was humiliating. I didn't want to cry anymore, I didn't want to have panic attacks anymore, so I HAD to translate it in to a pleasurable experience. Some of those problems still linger with me to this day. This went on for years. I mean it. Years. I didn't leave because I was dependent, and she didn't leave because she was scared. It was as sour as it could be. Ambrose eventually convinced her to break up with me, and the day it happened, I think I went insane. I fled the barrier of my mind so the dreams couldn't haunt me anymore. Her face couldn't taunt me. I still feel… hollow, to this day.
I couldn't escape her. I would run in to her randomly in League of Legends games, see her in the cities in WoW, and out when leveling. It was torture; silent torture. Years passed, I had some help from friends, even met a super nice girl. Lone behold, we caught Rosilana ERPing with some dude in a guild. This wouldn't bother me if it wasn't for the fact that she told me that she was in a MILITARY RELATIONSHIP NOW. You're dating someone who's stationed overseas, and you're cybering?! Really? I need to stop typing. This is getting under my skin. Thanks for reading this, if you made it this far. I don't really expect to have too much of a response, but I wanted to get this off my chest. I might post more relating to the topic or share some other disaster stories involving the whole situation in the future. GG's, guys.
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