It was just another Thursday night. My daughter had just gone to bed, and I fired up FO76. My plan was to hit level 31, maybe move my CAMP to a location closer to the Heap.
First things first, though; I had to take care of Carl. See, my CAMP is currently just west of Hunter’s Ridge, along the river. Hunter’s Ridge has a long set of planks overlooking the ridge, and one particular Scorched likes to hang out on the planks and shoot at me; that’s Carl. One rifle shot to the giblets later, and Carl tumbled down the hill.
Smiling with satisfaction, I checked my map for any nearby events, and saw that there was a mole rat horde in the Ash Heap; I smiled in anticipation. The smile grew as I noticed a fellow vault dweller had a CAMP set up not too far from the event; I hadn’t explored much down there, and it would have been a long walk.
Upon arriving, I bought a few stims and chems in thanks, then made my way to the horde. In short order, the mole rat menace was controlled, and I came away with a three * legendary that was pretty useless. No big deal, I’d just trade it for scrips; I had hit level 31 after the event, so I wasn’t put off at all.
Checking the map again, I saw that if I traveled east, there looked to be an open area, ripe for CAMP building; I began the trek. Five minutes or so of running saw nothing but dead scrubland in view; this land was surely hit hard during the war. I began to lose focus.
As I came around a bend, I saw structures ahead. There was nothing on the map of interest in the area, so I thought there couldn’t possibly be anything that I couldn’t take care of; I ran headlong into the ruins. As I approached the first building, I heard a rumbling and saw a cloud of dust; mole rats – had to be. Except it wasn’t mole rats.
The figure kept rising and rising until, to my dismay, there was a diseased deathclaw salivating at the sight of me. My reaction? An audible “Of, fuck.” My wife even called out from the living to see what was wrong. I performed a perfect about-face and doing my best Monty Python King Arthur, ran away.
I was vaguely aware that I was mumbling “Oh shit oh shit oh shit”, when I turned right and found a very unfriendly family of super mutants who wanted to add me to their meat pile.” I became more aware of the “Oh shit oh shit oh shit” I was mumbling, because it was no longer a mumble. I frantically ran through the blasted trees, and found…another group of super mutants. We’re these guys all waiting for me? OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT intensified.
Thanking the reddit fallout network Discord for its guidance in building a character (marathoner and fully leveled action boy for the god damn win), I booked it. Eventually, I stopped, looked, and listened; there was nothing immediately behind me. Praying to the Wise Mothman, I opened the map to fast travel to my CAMP…and was successful.
Once I got inside, still panting, I began to laugh. Jesus Christ, what a ride. I can’t remember the last time I almost soiled my armor due to video game bad guys. Well done, Bethesda. You got me.
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