Piper is a terrible reporter

fallout 6 - Piper is a terrible reporter

First off, none of her newspaper issues are actually real newspapers. They just have one story on it, there's no other supplemental information. She manages to print hundreds of copies of actual paper, a rarity in the post-apocalypse, and only sees fit to publish one story at a time. She's not publishing articles, she's publishing over-produced thought-pieces. She's a blogger, not a reporter. Either she's lazy or uninspired, but christ Piper, let me just say four words to you: "bi-monthly freelance columnist." Get one, anybody, something to fill the dead air. Am I suppose to believe that she's actually making money on this thing? Actually, the first one I got was for free, and the rest I just find off of people's doorsteps or in trash cans.

Also it bugs me that she doesn't title her headlines in the typical journalistic fashion. All of her stories are vaguely titled three word names like "The Synthetic Truth," or "The Boogeyman Banished?" Is she paying by the word? Is it that hard to print a few extra letters or does she just not know how to write a headline? How about, "Ink shortages threaten to bankrupt local publishing house: Spoiler, it's us." When I see a newspaper with the headline, "Moving Onward," with no subheading, I will in fact, do the same.

She's also her own editor. Red flag, FYI. I know not many people can read nowadays, never mind the pre-war synth living across the street, but sheesh, get someone to proofread her copy. Not a big fan of her prose. I don't trust anyone who uses the phrase, "shared experience" twice in the same paragraph (See The Synthetic Truth) to give me the news.


Her publishing schedule is also bananas. I mean, I don't expect her to crank out a daily paper by herself, it's called the Publick Occurrences not the Daily Occurrences. But in the span of the entire time I was in the Commonwealth during my playthroughs, sometimes taking up to a in-game year, she releases just FOUR single-story papers. And don't give me the excuse that nothing newsworthy is happening. First of all, real reporters don't stumble on scoops, they go find them. Secondly, this lady saw a metal airship fly into the Commonwealth. She saw a boat fly off a building into another, higher building. She saw a comic book character wantonly slay criminals and an immortal family with a telekinetic psychopath for a patriarch. She saw me INVENT A TELEPORTER. Still, couldn't get a scoop even if I gave her a cone and a spoon. Even the stuttering poor-man's-Jim-Halpert Travis Miles is more on the ball than her. But ok, yeah, not your typical "Institute synths are bad" material. I get it Piper, you have an agenda.

Don't tell me she doesn't have an agenda. Call me a dick, but McDonough was right. She found her target audience with her fear-stoking Institute-only stories. She's sensationalist, and she's latching on to that fear to make a profit (if she's even making a profit, double-check those 1040's by the way). What's more, I didn't really see any of her investigative reporter skills at all. I don't know how she gets the idea that McDonough is a synth, according to The Synthetic Truth it's because he uhh…checks notes likes noodles? Dude apparently just has open-door policy for anyone, including Institute agents to discuss Institute stuff, but yeah lets go with the noodle thing.

Piper is definitely the type of journalist to publish a headline with the sentence, "This is why that's a bad thing," in it. Mayor McDonough has been ordering all his power noodles to go. This is why you should be mad. If I had to sum up Piper's vibe in three words, it would be "liberal arts college."

Don't get me wrong, I like her. She's a great lady. She's good at carrying my stuff, and she makes a good hole for my player character's tongue and fingies, but that's about it. As far as the writing goes though, she should in fact, quit her day job. I strongly encourage her to chase her other passions.

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