I'm writing you in regards to your alleged plans to steal the city of Dalaran. What follows are just a few of the reasons I feel I am qualified to participate in your heist.
My resume: https://imgur.com/a/vGFHQWM
Going way back to when I first became aware of you, during the time of the so-called "League of Explorers", I followed those trumped up heroes in their quest for the Staff of Origination, eventually going so far as to assist them in thwarting your plans for it. For this I apologize, but even then, I knew you were destined for greater things. You see, during the madness of the Old Gods, I had been approached by a fortune teller who told me to seek you out and ensure that the Staff didn't remain in your hands.
I believe you know her now as Madame Lazul, and she left me with several other instructions, which I think you will agree I have carried out to the fullest extent.
She told me of the treasures that lay deep in the catacombs of King Togwaggle, and instructed me to roust him out of his comfortable lair. One hundred and twenty-five times I descended to the bottom of the catacombs, dispatching two thousand, seven hundred and ten bosses along my journey. (By the way, only three times did I give up after being unable to find suitable treasures early on; I even brought a freeze shaman to the deepest depths of Togwaggle's kingdom).
I was warned of Hagatha plotting on the outskirts of Gilneas, along with the instruction to ensure she found no safe harbour in the swamps of the Witchwood. This I faithfully carried out, guiding that city's defenders against Hagatha's forces time and time again (ninety-six times, in fact, sending one thousand, six hundred and eighty-three monsters in search of a better home), until she was forced to retreat and seek allies for her revenge. I became an expert hand at firing a cannon, and learned the subtle art of manipulating random chance to secure victory.
Lazul prophesied that Dr. Boom would set up shop in the Netherstorm, thinking it the peak of scientific progress. I paid him a visit and unraveled all his puzzles, dropping hints that greater discoveries lay elsewhere.
On an unrelated note, I spent some time competing in Rastakhan's Rumble, but found it overall rather unsatisfying, relying too much on powerful turns where shrines and allies lined up perfectly. Other competitors have done a much better job taking Rastakhan to task for his poorly designed tournament, so I won't go into any more detail here.
So that brings us to the present, where yourself and a cadre of Azeroth's most fearsome villains have gathered, each having been thwarted by my substantial earlier efforts. Please consider this letter an application to join your current endeavour, and imagine how effective your schemes will be with me finally by your side, instead of a thorn in it.
Together, let's take Dalaran for all it's worth!
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© Post "Dear Rafaam… I’m ready for my close up" for game HearthStone.
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