League of Legends

[Satire] Team Liquid Acquires Entire Phong Vu Buffalo Roster

LeagueofLegends4 - [Satire] Team Liquid Acquires Entire Phong Vu Buffalo Roster

In a stunning move, Steve Arhacent, owner and CEO of Team Liquid's "professional" League of Legends team, has signed the entire starting roster of Vietnam's Phong Vu Buffalo to Team Liquid. Liquid plans to play the roster in the upcoming MSI finals match against G2. During the group stage, the former-PVB roster shellacked G2 twice, outpacing them 52-21 in kills, 20-4 in turrets, and earning 30k more gold than the European "powerhouse" team. The move was announced in a brief statement, reproduced below in its entirety:












Liquid's owner, Steve Archipelago, shed some light on the signings. "It was really just good luck. PVB's owner and I had a couple drinks during the play-in stage, and we made a friendly bet." Arkhamasylum said, stopping briefly to blow his nose with a $100 bill. "Whoever wins the series gets the other team's roster. Hell, I offered him Mike Yeung for free if they could even take a game off of us."

Arkansas and the rest of Team Liquid have faced some backlash for the surprise roster change. Ovilee May, LCS broadcasting talent turned Team Liquid mercenary, said "This is the most backwards and wrongheaded decision I've ever seen a team make. And that includes TSM releasing Doublelift for Zven."


On the other hand, Arclight has his supporters too. League of Legends "personality" Nick "LS" De Cesare approved of the switch. "I mean NA had no chance winning a tournament. And EU has no chance of winning a tournament either. So obviously, unless TL made a move like this, no one could win the tournament. It's genius if you think about it." Arcopolo himself defended the decision by scoffing and pointing to his "genuine" Gucci belt. "Do you know how much this belt costs? Do you think someone as rich as I am can make mistakes?"

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None of the former members of Team Liquid could be reached for comment. Peter "Doublelift" Peng and Jo "CoreJJ" Yong-in were on a double-date with Lee "Faker" Sang-hyeok and Alan "KiWiKiD" Nguyen. Jung "Impact" Eon-yeong was too busy practicing Yuumi top in solo-queue. Jake "Xmithie" Puchero was playing Fortnite. Nikolaj "Jensen" Jensen could not be located, although his search history showed recent searches for "how to be taller," and "how to get taller technique no surgery."

The reaction from G2 was mixed. Mihael "Mikyx" Mehle, who went 0-16 against the Phong Vu Buffalo in their two games during the group stages, wailed in despair, clutching his shattered wrist. But Rasmus "Caps" Winther was more optimistic. Caps, an eldritch horror spawned from a dystopian universe where frogs and people can produce offspring, said "If TL think they can win a tournament by enlisting the grudging satellite support from South East Asia, then they've still learned nothing from the Cold War."

G2 and TL face off for the MSI Finals in Taipei tonight at 3:00 PM Taipei Standard Time.

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