The Bad Santa Veigar Who Stole Christmas by NotSoPerfectlyLonely
Every champ on the rift Liked Christmas pre-season a lot…
But Veigar, Who stayed in the midlane of the rift, Did NOT!
Veigar hated Christmas fun! The whole Christmas Pre-season!
Now, don't ask me why. Only one knows the reason.
The yordle was snatched when the time wasn’t right.
The warlord that loomed and kept him chained tight.
But after some time the warlord would fall,
However the damage done, to the one who was small.
Based on this reason, his power revamped
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating all of those champs,
Staring down from his nexus with a sour, yordle frown,
With the towers and inhibs still not broken down.
For he knew every champ down on the rift beneath,
were busy now, pinging and trying to avoid defeat.
"And they're feeding the poros!" he jeered with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his yordell fingers agitated drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas fun from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the champs would run their paces,
Would wake bright and early and they'd rush from their bases!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And when the victory sounded, all things would be fine,
The champs would gather and act like things were sublime!
Then the champs, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Cass-pudding, and rare Ali-roast beef.
Which was something Veigar couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every champ down on the rift, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with sona’s etwahl a ringing.
They'd stand weapon-in-weapon. And the bands would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd ping! And they'd SING!
SING! PING! SING! PING!
And the more Veigar thought of this League Christmas-Sing,
The more the Veigar thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas fun from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
VEIGAR GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Veigar laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a small red coat.
And he cackled, and cackled, "What a great yordle trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like the yordle Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer…" Veigar looked all around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the dark yordle? No! Veigar simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll summon one instead!"
So he pulled up his staff, it raised above his head
A Hecarim appeared with his glowing green look,
The yordle had done it, and all the players were shook.
Hecarim turned to the yordle and made a gruff face
“If you think I’ll submit, I’ll kill you and leave not a trace”
Veigar turned and said with a small wicked grin,
“Just charge little horsey and I swear we will win”
Hecarim stomped his hooves and the ground gave a shake
Veigar chuckled and chanted and made not a mistake
Hecarim buckled and cried and fell to his knees
Veigars plan set in stone, he prepared for a killing spree
Veigar jumped on the sleigh and said with such glee,
“Don’t forget little horsey! Your soul will come to serve me.”
Hecarim ran and charged still full of rage
But veigar just laughed and struck up his baby cage
Hecarim cursed and roared but knew he was defeated
Veigar now knew he had what he needed
Then Veigar yelled, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down with great pace,
Toward the lanes where the champs Lay AFK in their base.
The minimap was dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the players were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the red base, and he thought he was dead
But the towers grew dark and did nothing instead
"This is stop number one," the Bad Veigar Claus hissed,
And he strolled past the inhibs, empty bags in his fist.
Then he strolled into fountain. His fingers tightly clinched.
If others could do it, this would be quite a cinch.
He glanced at the shop for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his hand out and made the shopkeeper subdue.
Where the potions all sat in a nice little row.
"These potions," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he trotted and jumped, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole item shop, and he took every present!
Negatron Cloaks! And daggers! Chain Vests! And Sheens!
Bloodthirsters! Hydras! Zeals! And Blades of the Ruined Kings!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Veigar, continuing his count-in,
Threw all the bags, one by one, outside fountain!
Then he slunk to an inhib. He took the Champs feast!
He took the Cass-pudding! He took the Ali-roast beef!
He cleaned out that inhib and quick as he flashed.
Why, that yordle even took their last can of Tahm-hash!
Then he threw all the food towards the nexus with such glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will destroy another tower-tree!"
And Veigar grabbed the tower-tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small girl!
She smiled very meekly and gave herself a twirl
Little Annie looked down while holding her bear.
Veigar had been caught but he wouldn’t despair,
She’d come from the blue buff for a new special potion.
Veigars face twitched with annoyance but he controlled his emotion.
She stared straight at Veigar and said, "Santy Claus, why,”
"Why are you taking our Tower-tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old yordle was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little girl," the bad Santa Claus lied,
"There's a bug in this code that we can’t let ride."
"So I'm taking it down for the developers, my dear."
"They’ll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the young one. A fib worthy of Swain,
And he got her the potion and he sent her back to her lane.
And when Annie was gone to lane with her cup,
Veigar went to the next tower and blew it right up!
Then the last thing he took was the last cape of sunfire!
Then he started his back, that clever old liar.
In their base he left nothing but minions and rubble,
And that Ryze AFK would soon be in trouble.
He released his spell and sent Hecarim running
"These champs will soon find out that no Christmas-fun is coming!"
"They're about to spawn! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the champs on the rift will scream, “Oh F*CK YOU”!"
"That's a noise," grinned Veigar, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And Veigar put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared at the minimap! And Veigar blinked his small eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every champ on the rift, the tall and the small,
Were pinging and singing! Without any items at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas-fun from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Viegar, with his tiny-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without XP! It came without skins!"
"It came without Coins, or items or wins!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then Veigar thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Fun," he thought, "doesn't also come from a win."
"Maybe a fun game…perhaps…comes with just playing with friends!"
And what happened then? Well… on the SubReddit they say,
That Veigars small heart grew three sizes bigger that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load on the bright monitor light,
And he brought back the items! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! Veigar carved the Ali-roast beef!
© Post "The Bad Santa Veigar Who stole Christmas" for game League of Legends.
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