League of Legends

With Tryndamere stating there is a Seraphine retcon on the way, here are thirty lore ideas that could really turn heads!

LeagueofLegends3 - With Tryndamere stating there is a Seraphine retcon on the way, here are thirty lore ideas that could really turn heads!
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According to Tryndamere on Twitter, in response to the Brakern inconsistencies in Seraphine's background:

Yah, that wasn't cool and was supposed to have been removed from the IP =p it will be fixed

So good news for the Seraphine haters out there: looks like she'll be getting 'fixed!' Do you think, perhaps, this 'fix' will be admitting that the incredibly cynical production of this popstar champion was so overwhelming that Narrative mistakenly assumed that was a feature and not a bug? Nah. Seraphine shall indeed represent the unwavering purity of the music industry 🙂

But why leave it to the pros to decide how to best sanitize fix her lore? To help out Riot Games, I've drafted thirty retcons that I'm sure people will love.


ONE

Everything about Seraphine is the same, save for a one-off line about her owning an Australian gaming house where players are dying from heat exposure.


TWO

Seraphine is actually from the Void–Kassadin lost two of his daughters in there and the entire thing is played similar to that one joke in Grown Ups where Rob Schneider's daughters are super attractive. The third daughter is a VGU'd Kog'maw who is just a 5 foot 6 purple nerdy woman with a massive mouth.


Three

A wonderful pure artist who yearns to enrich others with her msuic, Seraphine tacitly supports the Piltovan goal of a perfect futuristic mega-city utopia (but she keeps calling it NEOM in her voice lines for whatever reason).


Four

The singer gal is a musician on the run after Akali's elbow bump in the More music video was interpreted as "too gay" by the Chinese government.


Five

While appearing and sounding human, Seraphine is actually a synthetic (a la Orianna) who is operated by six tiny, suited 'marketing professionals' from the confines of her hoverboard.


Six

She's the Hannah Montana to Alistar's Miley.


Seven

Before becoming a singer, the popstar attended a fairly-prestigious legal academy in Piltover. Unfortunately, her path to a degree becames jeopardized by a rogue teacher who wants to cajole her into agreeing with a shocking claim: God is Dead.


Eight

Instead of having magical powers, Seraphine is a fairly normal singer who protects herself with a concealed carry.


Nine

Mukbang youtuber.


Ten

While beautiful and talented, Seraphine is not able to be happy. Alas, her stunning, handsome, misshaped lover homunculus keeps having unsettling nightmares that everything will 'be gucci' soon.


Eleven

Everything's exactly the same, except her model and design is completely replaced with the default WoW Classic human female appearance and graphics.


Twelve

The powers, they are not begotten by practice or natural talent. Nor magic. This is something eldritch, dangerous. Seraphine bargained with an almighty demon: she received her stunning voice and looks in exchange for asking the demon… who Joe is.


Thirteen

A ruthless dictator, Sera has crushed many Piltovans in her conquest for the almighty musical Mambos. She has already collected Mambo No. 1-4, and once she obtains Mambo No. 5… there will be no force in the world capable of beating her in a sing-off.


Fourteen

Okay okay so hear me out, alternate universe where Gwen Stefani's Harajuku girls are actually incredibly powerful Kill La Kill fashion warlords who protect Gwen in times of strife. And like, Seraphine is one of her top Harajuku girls but becomes disgraced after Gwen is put into a mystical sleep on her watch. So now the other Harajuku girls are attempting to defeat her and all of this is encapsulated in a musical movie that includes modern remixes of hit No Doubt classics

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Fifteen

The visage before you is actually a projection created by the true sentient creature: the hair.


Sixteen

Free space for me. I'm really excited because when I go home today ima get myself some Sushi.


Seventeen

Seraphine is a hex-popstar who is hex-exploited by hex-corporations seeking to gain hex-capital by hex-pushing her hex-underpaid hex-self to the limit with callous hex-disregard for her hex-mental health and hex-safety. And also, she's hex-threatened by her own hex-industry's rapidly hex-tightening hex-vision of what a proper hex-female should be like to the hex-point where only hex-virtual personalities are capable of hex-achieving the hex-body standards and hex-purity demanded by the hex-fans.


Eighteen

Flip the script: Skarner exploits Seraphine crystals to make incredibly catchy pop music.


Nineteen

The only song she can perform is 009 Sound System Dreamscape at different tempos and fans are beginning to notice.


Twenty

The entire concept of "Seraphine" is a feverish daydream dreamt by that one TGIF waitress who consistently oversings Happy Birthday to customers


Twenty-one (Pilots)

Crystal Tears

Yeah yeah on the dock together

the pier leads to the ocean of better

your stinger reminds me of a prick

I got before, like a nasty splinter

that I gotta pull out with my tweezers, yeah yeah yeah

(turn back time, turn back time)

crumbling like marzapan, cru cru crumbling like a pastry

we all walk sit on piers but we never peer from where we sit

your crystals give my music soul

but it's your eyes that make me wanna sing it uh yeah uh


Twenty-two

Lillia is actually just a really realistic Halloween outfit and Seraphine is the person who operates the deer part, running around on all fours with her grotesque super-legs.


Twenty-three

Slowly shift her Twitter account into a horror ARG where she's been kidnapped by Fiddlesticks and forced to participate in increasingly-dangerous games. Viewers have to solve clues in the real world to "rescue" her.


Twenty-four

Seraphine is operated by this stinky, sweaty, chubby Yordle who is like reclined in a computer chair with his shirt off, moobs on full display, bulging stomach gurgling from a recent meal of Piltovan pizza, and as he like controls Sera to begin singing he shoots this really smarmy smile at the computer and licks his fingers oh gooood hoh gooood oh mannnn


Twenty-five

She's a weird "human babushka" experiment that starts at her and ends in Zoe.


Twenty-six

Dyrus found his calling


Twenty-seven

Sea monster. Like, she's a sea monster in disguise. Or at LEAST a siren. Just do SOMETHING. Please. Please…


Twenty-eight

Seraphine IS gun


Twenty-nine

Like okay so she's on stage right and she's giving the performance of the life time but one of the crystals is like "i am so sick of her bs" and kinda floats near her waist and the entire audience suddenly hears a PBBBBBBFFFLBTLL and she's like "oh gosh" and tries to keep sinigng but she forats even more and bbbbltltrlrlrlt pfffffrrgtblttbtll and the whole crowd starts laughing and anyway this is the origin of Yasuo's third browther


thirty

Remove her.

And there we have it! Anyone got some cool ideas for Sera's new lore that beats these?

Source: Original link


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