It all started with a sloop.
We were in a brig, but the night would never have played out the way it did, were it not for the sloop we came across in our travels from hither to yon. Her crew was quite poorly skilled, and it became clear to us–after we had previously stomped them–that they were new. A rare moment of mercy had struck the crew of the Surly Crab, and we took them under our wing. With some motivating words, we convinced them to join us in taking a skullfort and even did a crew-swap of sorts. By exchanging one member from each of our crews, we kept a close protective watch over our new proteges while teaching them how to play, by bringing down another brig and taking the fort! After the turn-in, they graciously allowed one of us to join the crew of their ship. In that moment, one crew of three became two crews totaling five: Taking 0n Water, RavenKrows and One of Arrs in the brigantine, Cpt Brumblez and BettyWhitebeard (myself), in the sloop.
Our nascent fleet descended upon another skullfort, where we were visited by a galleon. A tense exchange of cannons resulted in their sinking, and as they sunk to the depths, our ruthless commodore One of Arrs entered a meditative trance, piercing the veil between worlds to eavesdrop on the galleon crew as they debated what to do next, and a hush fell across the fleet when a Gilded Athena's was mentioned. Everyone in the fleet reacted with a gleeful excitement when the galleon ultimately returned, her rather young crew proclaiming friendship and peace to the adherents of the Almighty Crab. They welcomed an alliance, invited our fleet upon their deck to drink of their grog and to point and laugh at the foul-mouthed squeaker in their brig, banished for running their ship aground. They even brought our commodore aboard their ship with open arms and a trusting heart, and in a gesture equal parts kind-hearted and naive, gave him the helm.
While our brig and sloop finished and looted the second skull fort, Commodore Arrs was sailing the galleon, first Crook's Hollow, then Lone Cove, helping the galleon crew with their missions step by step. While our Commodore gave his aid to these trusting strangers, his crew was preparing to give them something else entirely. As the Commodore befriended, and even brokered the freedom of the squeaker from his prison (it had been revealed he was trying to come to our aid in an earlier fight with a skelly ship), his crew visited forts. And when we heard the words "Sunken Grove, now" crackle through our headsets over Discord, we dropped sail and moved with all due haste. To their credit, they did begin to suspect something while they were docked. Perhaps the sloop floating at Dagger Tooth was parked a little too far from the pier. Maybe it was the brigantine staying in its wake, like a shadow lying in wait to kill to the person casting it. That did not stop them from allowing our bold, and possibly evil Commodore to take a loot screenshot in their captains quarters while they all posed and cheered around the entire haul of a Gilded Athena's, totalling well over 80,000 gold.
Again, it must be said that they deserve some credit, as not everyone could put up the fight they had. We moved in with a swiftness as soon as the third Athena's was confirmed, our Commodore started dropping their own kegs on their deck from the crow's nest. Yet still, to the surprise of all, the galleon pressed on, unbroken. We had hidden a Chest of Sorrow on their balcony; it sobbed and wailed for quite some time before they thought to find it and dump it overboard, yet still the crew persisted. We speak of something with three masts of billowy sails that can outrun a sloop and even a brigantine when the winds are kind. They might still have evaded us… had they only the teamwork to keep the sails angled. In the end, they were hit with an Anchorball fired from a brig with a more coordinated crew. Even the sloop, severely stymied by skeletal sailors also slinging Anchorballs, could not be stopped from joining the fight, and once that happened the poor galleon was lost, in a salty sea made even saltier by her crew, and a sea of curses made by same. We saw no more of the decidedly less-friendly galleon, after their mermaid dove back into the depths. They could very well have uninstalled the game. If faced with the loss of Captain's Chests beyond count, a veritable vault of Villainous Skulls, and three Athena's chests, I might have done just that… especially if I had a squeaker crewmate who was AFK throughout the entire final fight, like that galleon did.
I see the way you look at me as I tell you this tale: you're thinking Crazy Aunt Betty's high from freebasing gunpowder again and she's confusing her favorite movies with real life. I might even agree with you; I'm a crazy old bat and I love the smell of burning gunpowder a little too much, but that don't change the simple fact that this picture exists.
© Post "How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Anchorball (Or: “We May Actually Be Sociopaths”)" for game Sea of Thieves.
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