Sea of Thieves

The Squeaker Problem, or why we need better in game match making.

sea of thieves combat mechanics news hour long gameplay shows game of adaptation - The Squeaker Problem, or why we need better in game match making.

I think most of us would prefer not to play with random kids on our crew, for obvious reasons. We’ve all got our horror stories. But I’m not here to hate on kids playing this game. Hear me out:

Occasionally I’ve logged onto a crew as the fourth player in a ship crewed by kids around the same age and in that situation they’re usually having a fantastic time. The sails may not be angled correctly, there may be a worrying amount of holes in the upper deck and they may be sailing completely the wrong way; but they’re having fun. (Usually in this situation I stay off mic as to not change the dynamic and help them out for a bit before I leave and find another crew).

On the other hand I can think of many other times where a kid has joined a crew made up of adults and been treated very badly. I’ve seen adults scream and swear at kids, rant at them and just be so inappropriate. I once even saw a pirate “legend” in a crew of really young kids join and immediately fire off all their cannonballs and eat all their bananas then log off. I think we’ve all seen this sort of thing in game, and even if it’s not bad to this extent the kid is probably not having all that much fun.


If there was a simple in game match making system which allowed you to choose between a “just for fun” crew, a “have fun but get stuff done” crew or a “serious piracy only” crew, most younger kids especially would probably choose “just for fun”, helping them get together. This would also give another option for more serious players to get together.

There are external matchmaking options, but LFG is unintuitive and clunky,and the discords are really more for serious players. An in game system would help get more players, especially younger players, teamed up with crews they can have a good time with.

TLDR: Won’t somebody please think of the children.

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