Me and my crew have started doing this stupid bit where we sail up to other crews or sloops and try not to engage in combat but instead attempt to board and spread the word of “Pirate Jesus Christ” where we basically peer pressure people into giving us some of their loot for “Blessing Packages” which give them a certain amount of sins they are allowed to commit before death to still get into Pirate heaven. It hasn’t really been successful until last night. We rolled up to an Outpost to unload some skulls and there happened to be a sloop pulling up at the same time, so we, like any good pirate Christians would, decided to spread the good word. Three of us sprinted up to him, name was something something Nugget, as he hopped off his boat and immediately started yelling about our new religion and how we are welcoming new members who only have to provide a one time fee for a life of love, riches, and good health. It was silent for a time but just as we thought we had a no mic player he answered. “How much do I have to pay to let Pirate Jesus into my life?” “Uhhhhhh” this was the furthest we’d ever gotten and hadn’t really worked out full procedure for a taker.
“Whats the most valuable item on your ship currently?” Again, it was silent for a moment but he eventually told us that he had a captains chest below deck. “Ah! Perfect! The exact item you need for the deluxe starter package!” So he literally led me to his ship, gave me the chest, we cashed it in, gave him the run down on his duties as a devout Pirate Christian, and were on our merry way.
We took another Order Of Souls contract and headed for Mermaids Hideaway. On the way though we ran into a bit of an issue with a certain massive squid and proceeded to fight for our lives and attempt to sail out of its reach, things started looking dire as we got close to the edge of the inky dark as we began running out of cannons. But then, from behind, what do we see, our first ever recruit sailing into the fray, the tentacles began withdrawing from us, started rising all around this poor sloop, he lasted maybe 2 minutes but gave us enough time to get out of the danger zone. He was gone. His sloop vanished in a sea of tentacles and ink. All we could do was mourn and continue our voyage. We killed the first three captains but as we moved onto the fourth and began baiting them down to the beach to use our cannons on them, something emerged out of the water and onto the beach. Nugget. He wandered over to us and we asked him how he got from there to us without being sharked, “Pirate Jesus was watching over.” We asked why he tried to save us after we basically robbed him. “It’s what Pirate Jesus Christ would have wanted me to do, goodbye.” And like that he was gone. Vanished. We all stood around in awe. We immediately agreed that he shall be the first ever saint of the church of Pirate Jesus Christ.
“Something Nugget” if by some miracle you’re reading this. Thankyou friend. You are an absolute legend.
© Post "To the first official Saint of the church of Pirate Jesus Christ. You are without a doubt the best pirate I’ve ever seen. Praise Saint Nugget." for game Sea of Thieves.
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