Stellaris

[Fiction] TIFU by getting an alien high and got toothpaste banned

stellaris 8 - [Fiction] TIFU by getting an alien high and got toothpaste banned

Obligated this happened yesterday.

So the discovery program launched 3 days ago and I'm one of the diplomats responsible for the cultural exchange section between us and the Felinians about a few systems away, everyone was stressed the fu*k out since their spaceship landed on Sol III. Worst of all, a few hours in, I HAD AN EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA IMBOUND when one of their lead sociologists were giving a speech and a hologram presentation on their traditions. I tripped a wire when rushing out that shut off the translation system, and I just rushed out to the bayhroom without a care. According to my buddy he rambled on for about 5 seconds before realizing what's wrong. The entire stage was silent because everyone thought the situation was too serious to laugh about (imagine a 50 years old lion, standing on stage trying to growl something out that barely resembles old Japanese). Eventually someone couldn't hold it and broke up, and the entire room just laughed their ass off while that poor guy is visibly embarassed but pinned to the stage not knowing what to do. Great, ruined an alien cat's day because of a meal at a fu*king fast food chain.

The bullshittery doesn't end here.

Later that day, I was trying to get something to eat in the cafe (which is open to both species btw) and guess what? That dude sat next to me. He didn't know it was me since they modified a massive confrence room for the meeting, but holy jesus I was terrified. My brain just told me to do something fu*king normal before going to another table so I don't accidentally fu*k this guy's day up twice. The only logical option I had was a box of mint in my bag (wtf was I thinking) and I just popped one in my mouth. Ok, clear, GTFO, NOW

But NOPE

He just had to be that kind of guy that's friendly enough to strike up a conversation at the worst time. Granted he still doesn't know it was me but my level of social imcompetence just rose to another fu*king dimension in that moment. Fortunately, I got to confess it before this incident got to haunt every sleepless night of my life, and he just laughed it off. Ok, first alien social interaction, went much better than I thought.

Read:  A glossary of another playthrough of mine

And here is where the REAL fu*kup begins.

For god knows what reason my logic decided it was a good idea to offer him a mint.

And he took it.

For those of you who don't know, peppermint is closely related to catnip, and our friend right here for some reason is very biologically close to the felines on Sol III.

30 second after he took my mint he went high as a kite and passed out after mindlessly babbled about cracking planets with a spaceship and other things that were so incomprehensible my universal translation system just died on me. I was appalled and called the med team ASAP, after which they told me I technically just dealt drug to an Alien. You bet your ass I almost got fired after that. Now anything that contains mint is considered controlled substance, which means all mints and toothpaste we had got confiscated and is distributed on a strict ration so no aliens can OD on breath fresheners.

I am now haunted by an irrational fear of meeting probably the friendliest alien on earth because I fu*ked up his day twice, please send help.

TLDR: Struggled to chat with an alien after accidentally publically embarrasing him, gave him mint because idk wtf am I doing, he ended up getting high as a kite and now all things containing mint is banned on cultural exchange campus.

/story

I don't know what fueled me on 2 at night to write this story about a nervous diplomat in UNE, but I hope you enjoyed reading it

P.S how do I flair a post like this?

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