First time Grand Admiral + first time Iron-man. What could go wrong?

stellaris 4 - First time Grand Admiral + first time Iron-man. What could go wrong?

Incoming a wall of text. This last game I just finished has to be one of the most satisfying gaming experiences I've had in quite a while.

Prologue: The Noob Who Got Gud

Originally played the game a while back and got ROFL stomped by a fallen empire after hours sunk into the one campaign. I got so frustrated that I stopped playing the game and didn’t pick it back up again until just last week. Did a few campaigns trying out different strategies and really liked going for a federation (Vanilla btw). I win on normal difficulty and decide it's time to put on the big boy pants and dive into the deep end.

Chapter 1: Guaranteed Habitable Planets My Ass

My goal is to expand as fast as possible and pay off all my neighbors. So far so good, no empires nearby and I’m free to expand to my heart’s content. Only one problem. Not a single god damn habitable planet in my entire corner of the galaxy. Idk what happened to the "2 guaranteed planets" thing, but whatever, time for the one planet challenge. By the time I run into other empires I’ve expanded quite a bit and I’m drowning in unspent minerals. I give the two closest empires about 60 minerals/month deals and they love me. Turns out on Grand Admiral difficulty every other empire has an “overwhelming” fleet and they can’t declare me their rival. I’m so weak and pathetic that these empires gain the “protective” Attitude towards me. All is going according to plan.

Chapter 2: Don’t Pick Pacifist

Turns out there was ONE empire just weak enough to declare me a rival. Luckily there was only one way system that he could attack me from thanks to my expertly laid out expansion plans. The Klaggian Enlightened Kingdom will not fall this day! Almost every other empire hated this one guy, so turns out having him as an enemy won me the political landscape. I’m just about to gain access to federation formation. After carefully determining the political landscape I decided the only way I could get a 3 man federation was to declare rivalry with the one empire that was actively trying to be my friend (I’m sorry guys it just had to be done). WELL, turns out being a pacifist and not being able to declare unrestricted wars is an automatic -50 to federation deal acceptation. So here I am middle of my first Grand Admiral difficulty first time iron-man mode trying to figure out if it’s possible to get rid of the good for nothing pacifists living in my xenophilic spiritual utopia. Long story short I figure it out and successfully form my beautiful federation.

Chapter 3: Fallen Empires Are Still Dicks

So I’ve got my federation formed and life is good. I’m not el presidente but that’s fine, the leader liked declaring war on my rivals and knocking them down a little here and there. Then the fallen empire decides the galaxy has had it too good for too long. Fanatic zealots swarm the galaxy subjugating every other empire except myself and one ally in the federation. But the power of diplomacy is strong in my empire. I throw so much resources in their face they can’t help but love me, despite how badly they want to conquer the galaxy. By this time I’ve climbed to second place in the score ranking and just need to build up my fleet to crush the fallen empire to ascend to my rightful place as divine leader of the galaxy.

Chapter 4: A Calculated Risk, But Boy Am I Bad At Math


We’re at about year 2450 and I’m still woefully behind the fallen empire’s score and things are looking grim. Time for a divine intervention. The spiritual leaders of my empire pray for God’s hand upon the galaxy. The Unbidden answer. The Unbidden swarm like locusts. I choose not to stop them. They are my ticket to taking out the zealots plaguing my galaxy. I shore up my defenses and like typical AI they don’t do a thing to stop the Unbidden either. My defenses are looking good I’ve got my 100K federation fleet holding off the chokepoint into my territory… wait, where did my federation fleet go? Turns out that my ally who I was trying to defend had all their planets right in line of the unbidden war path. Once they lost their last planet their entire empire fell and along with it the federation and all the ships I had poured into it. Unbidden began to flood the heart of my empire, quickly gobbling up half my territory before I could hold the line at my capitol and a couple choke points. Although we are the divine rulers of the galaxy we still love all alien species. For what is a shepherd without his flock? Refugees from across the land flock to my cities in droves. The last bastion in the heart of darkness. I had just finished reconstructing a ring world so the massive population increase was quickly put to work. The Klaggian Enlightened Kingdom will not fall this day!

Chapter 5: Fallen Empires Aren’t So Bad After All

Finally the fallen empire realizes that it needs to fight the Unbidden. By the grace of god they decide the best way to do this is to fight through my lost territory straight to my once well defended wormhole. I muster what forces I can to join them into the maw of the beast. Although the attack is futile it buys me enough time to get a forward base of operations and can better contain the Unbidden. With a fully upgraded starbase and a single fleet we hold back the entire Unbidden armada like the mother fucking 300 spartans. Then right on cue, the Aberrant and the Vehement decide to grace our galaxy with their presence. By the time they showed up the Unbidden were too much for them to handle, but it gave us enough time to get a fleet truly worthy of the Klaggian Enlightened Kingdom.

Chapter 6: Unlikely Allies

Sometime before the Unbidden showed up I had supported the independence of all the subjugated empires in the galaxy. The one empire to revolt was my oldest bitterest rival. I successfully helped them fight for their freedom while holding back the Unbidden by the skin of my teeth. We quickly formed a new federation. The Galactic Defense League. With the sudden massive boost to my fleet capacity it was time to go on the offensive. Battleships armed to the teeth with kinetic artillery and the best shields money could buy. With a fleet 300k strong we struck to the heart of the unbidden. Their fleets melt before the righteous hail fire of a hundred battleships. We make it to the portal from hell without a scratch. Boy did that stir up the hornets nest. Unbidden from around the galaxy B-line for their precious portal. But it’s futile. We kill them all without remorse.

Epilogue: A Well Earned Victory

Having decimated the Unbidden armada, it was just cleanup for the remaining anchors taking up about a third of the galaxy. As the last anchor fell, the portal watch guard destroyed the portal within seconds, bringing a new found peace after the 100 years of war. The Klaggian Enlightened Kingdom assumed their rightful place as the divine rulers of the galaxy.

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