Stellaris

Satan turned my people into robots? (NSFW)

stellaris 4 - Satan turned my people into robots? (NSFW)

MegaCorp is here, and I try to put together a corporate sex cult… thingy. So you know how when you're watching Ninth Gate, and Johnny Depp goes to the place to get the book (or whatever)? And the place turns out to be a huge mansion full of great rich captains of industry? And they're all in cult/satanist get-up and they're all getting down and dirty with one another? And they're like "oh, yes! Sex! Sexing! Doing sex to each other!(?) And Satan. And being rich too. Business. Being powerful in business, sexing one another, and worshiping the devil. They're all… connected…some how?" That's what I wanna make, and so I do my best.

Cult of the Circle is born (circle for, you know, holes and the things you put in them). Led by High Temptress Fon Vun, they are weak, deviants, charismatic and rapid breeders (because of all the sex). They run their shit by using the Gospel of the Masses and exploiting Indentured Assets (I chose it because of the whip, not because I understand or have ever even used slaves before). Authoritarian fanatic spiritualists. If you feel any of these should be changed to better reflect a Ninth Gate Satanist fu*k-cult for CEOs, let me know.

This run was already one of the craziest I have ever done BEFORE everyone became a robot. It's like, nearly 2300 before I ever even run into anyone else on the map. I'm playing with a friend, but we can't get to one another because I am being insulated by >10k emerald space monsters at essential choke points. When I do finally make contact, I can't even establish any useful corporate branches on anyone else's planets because they already have them from other people. I forget to buy slaves at the slave market because I forgot it existed, so this is a clusterfu*k in every regard anyway.

Then I get the Transcendence perk and begin making a call to the divine when all hell breaks loose.

Read:  AI still ruins the playability of Criminal Heritage. Still spamming precincts.

Every Circler in my empire becomes a robot. The leaders become robots too, but they keep their psionic abilities. This is interesting, because my population can never produce a new psionic leader (original Circler pops start spawning, but none with awoken psionics. The robots are just called "robots" now). But the leaders that I have now are immortal, so I will always keep high level robotic leaders with psionic abilities. Yay?

However, this is not the only problem I have. The Circler population itself increases by fifty percent immediately following robotificatioin. My economy immediately goes completely co*k-eyed, and the empire suffers from wide spread unemployment that I never fully recover from for the rest of the play through. Everyone gets a drug addiction, which I find totally understandable given their current circumstances. I'm in a federation with my buddy now, and my robot pops are emigrating to his worlds. But he has it set so that any robotic populations get immediately killed on sight, so this is apparently a convoluted method my "people" have devised of traveling through a gateway to commit suicide. Which, again, I get it. We're in a war with fools that border my friend, but I can't really give my full attention to that as I scramble to make some sort of sense out of this catastrophe.

Then we get God on the line.

"Yes, hello, this is the divine. I hope you're not calling from a place that has any robots in it. You know how much I hate those soulless shells!"

"Please hold."

Just another day at the office!

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