Has this ever happened to you: you're walking around, using that level 100 speech to mac on all the lads and ladies of Tamriel, when just as you're about to make your move you accidentally croutch and pickpocket their pants instead? Then they get mad and start punching your face and you're all: do you even know who I am? I'm the Nerevarine/Vestige/Dragonborn/ Champion of Cyrodil! And they're like: 'I don't care, thats my only pair and I dont have a lot going on for me right now, so I'm just gonna die on this hill made of stolen pants!' So then you go: 'fine, it's literally your funeral,' but then everyone else in the corner club decides that this random guys' pants is also their problem, so you have to stab everyone. Twice. With a poisoned dagger. So as you start to leave the town guards starts giving you shit about the mess you left behind, but fortunately your Redguard companion shows up and goes: 'Bruh, I got this' and proceeds to enchant the guards pants to start kicking thier own asses! The guards try to fight back but its made difficult by the fact thay pants are usually where people keep their swords and stuff, so a group of pirates see this as a good opportunity to attacked the town, and give each pair of animated pants a dagger so they can fight for their freedom! Now the whole town is in chaos, the Jarl is freaking out cuz his ween flopping everywhere, and sweet rolls are getting tossed on the ground getting dusty; so your companions' girlfriend decices she had enough of this shit and grabs a dagger and a pair of pants and just starts spinning. And I mean like, really spinning. The sheer impact from the pants alone sends everyone and their mother to oblivion, but now you're pissed: the town is in ruins and you can't sell your stuff, all because of a little misunderstanding. So you try to make it right by hiring a reanimator, but because he's an unlicensed contractor he uses bargain ressursction spells that also imbue levitation so every person he brings back then also immediately falls to their death all over again. So you get in an argument over his billable hours since he's just ressurecting the same people he killed so you talk him down to taking an heirloom puzzle box instead of actual payment because you didn't actually think he'd be able to open it, but low and behold: he opens it right away, aaaand it's a fucking dragon. The dragon tries to join in the fun by trying to put on a pair of pants himself but he's too big and rips them so in his rage that pant don't come in extra plus-sizes he starts icing everyone for fat-shaming. Now you have to bring in a conflict mediator to settle things but the mediator turns out to be a vampire trying to get everyone to bite each other so he doesn't have to because he's petty and suffers from social anxiety. So you try to get him some help by enrolling him in the college of winterhold to keep his mind busy, but your old professor, Dr. Ancano, thinks it's a good idea to assign him the 'red year simulation' volcano project for the science fair. But due to a scribing error he made his model volcano 1:1 so now everyone is dead. All this, because you accidentally stooped over while talking to someone.*
*Paid for by Tamrielians for better posture.
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© Post "Meme Deck Morndas: Pantsfall of Doom!" for game The Elder Scrolls.
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