When I first saw him shamelessly tailing Mjoll all around Riften I just thought, well, ok what a creep then simply went on my way to pick every pocket out there. The moment I realized he had a silver emerald necklace on him was the moment that set the wheels of his fate in motion.
Being too expensive, the necklace was a cherished bauble of his which he protected with extreme caution thus I had a mere 7% chance of succesfully pickpocketing it but I was not a man to give up on his convictions, every pocket must have been picked. So I prepared the finest paralyze potion out of literal human flesh acquired from the buttocks of a skooma addict and canis root, disregarding any side effects that may cause a sudden death, I administrated the poison in his behind with my magical hands, they were so magical I had 7% chance of stealing the necklace but a 83% chance of rectally administrating my bumbutt essence.
Anyways I quickly snatched the necklace from his tense body, he got up and acted like nothing happened, I wasnt sure if he was stupid enough to not realize whats going on or if he was too much of a pussy to confront me, either way I had the necklace where it belonged. Couple of days later three thugs confronted me which I quickly dispatched with some other deadly concoctions of mine, on their cold dead bodies I saw a letter from Aerin, it was basically saying "I knew what happened but Im too much of a pussy to do it myself, please bully my bully and my launch money is yours." It was unacceptable, I had to make him suffer for his insolence. I visited the temple of mara to buy a necklace to announce my willingliness to finally settle down then went straight to Mjoll, she accepted my proposal right there and then to the great suprise of the simpy the simp. What can I do? ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS BUY A FUKIN NECKLACE INSTEAD OF FOLLOWING HER ALL AROUND THE TOWN LIKE A FUKIN JOBLESS PUPPY YOU CUNT, DONT GIVE ME THAT LOOK!
I told my new, lovely wife to head to lakeview manor to stay in our cosy home and I will come in couple of days after fence loot tables are reset, she happily accepted then left. When I finally unloaded my stolen goods I headed home to check on my lioness just to realize Aerin was there living in MY HOME and sleeping in one of the beds when he can find them empty of my bard, housecarl or steward and God forgive me sometimes he even slept in my wife's bed. I wasnt able to think straight, the fabled "girlfriend's boyfriend" was in fact a huge pussy who cant even protect himself, I was fucking cucked by Aerin The Simp.
Well it wasnt truely his fault, it was Mjoll who accepted him in and didnt set boundaries so I had another plan, I forcefully conscripted Mjoll into the blades, in my head it was a certain sentence for death or at least maiming and I would happily carry her charred or partially digested remains back to Aerin. To my suprise that motherfucker followed her into the sky temple,. Blades in their full glory and armor were thinking what would be the next best move against dragons and that mofo was just strolling behind Mjoll in his rich clothes. Well it was ridiculous but not as ridiculous as how he died. A dragon was spotted somewhere and we were tasked to deal with it, Mjoll, me and some other inconsequential dudes went to hunt it and Aerin chose to follow Mjoll right into the dragon fire. Mind you, he wasnt fighting, he wasnt protecting her or anything, he just followed her, not into battle but just into his own grave.
After his moronic sacrifice I chose to raise a dragon wall at where he died telling his unglorious tale and if a dragonborn gets close, shiny words teach him Power Word – Simp, a thuum of unrivaled power which makes you follow the opposite sex mindlessly.
Source: Original link
© Post "Shout out to the biggest simp in the history of gaming, Aerin of Riften." for game The Elder Scrolls.
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