The Elder Scrolls

Theory: ESO Is Tamriel’s Afterlife

TheElderScrolls5 - Theory: ESO Is Tamriel's Afterlife

When you step back and look at daily life in ESO, certain details stand out as both deeply disturbing and impossible to explain. Every race may have theories about what happens after death, from returning to the Hist to the Sands Behind the Stars, but what if the true afterlife of Tamriel was something…more sinister? Have you ever noticed, and I mean REALLY noticed…

  • We are constantly eating and drinking, but never poop. Where does it all go? There aren't even any bathrooms.
  • We all own beds, but never sleep.
  • We never age, despite years of adventure and combat.
  • Almost all we do is fight, or craft items required for fighting. Even for career warriors, that is ridiculous: None of us ever go on leave, or retire, or start families. We have game sets with never play. Pets we never play with. Paint sets we never use. We never even sit in taverns to drink and swap stories (even though we do have the opportunity).
    • Furniture is the exception, but as someone who is patently obsessed with furnishings, I can confirm this is another, equally sinister kind of hell.
  • Most NPC's never diverge from a basic and simple routine. Cities like Elden Root or Mournhold don't have nearly enough housing for every NPC in the city to have a home, or even a bed. Is Delvoni Hlaalu ever going to return home from the Vivec City market? Or even buy anything? The fact that they die and resurrect in a constant, tortuous cycle doesn't help things. They are all simply part of the hellish construct.
  • There are no children in ESO, despite the presence of two cradle furniture pieces. Now, you might sadly point out that children are not immune from death, but it may be that those under a certain age aren't "qualified" for an afterlife that's considered a moral prison, or one that's intended to punish the violent for their life by the sword.


This brings me to my final theory: That ESO is a special version of the afterlife meant to punish warriors for the belief that violence is the proper solution to anything. Just as we wasted our potential in life in the pursuit of death and destruction, so too are we cursed to spend eternity locked in endless, pointless combat—the battle lines never changing, the conflict never ending—a bunch of mass-murdering war addicts who perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, deserve one another.

Honestly though, all I want is an explanation for the poop question. WHERE. DOES. IT. GO!?

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