The Witcher

I feel so robbed

TheWitcher5 - I feel so robbed
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Just roaming around velen, as you do when you are a witcher when I come across a pack of wolves. Drawing my steel sword, I began backing up and casting yrden to manage the oncoming horde. The first wolf, the alpha, dives into me, slowed by the effects of my sign, his attack is easily dodged.

Suddenly, roots surround my feet, an upheaval of earth knocks me off my balance and crushes me against the ground. I'm dead instantly. In the flashes before the death screen, I witness a terror yet discovered in my bestiary.


The Leshen

On its two legs it stands taller than any creature yet seen, towering over the golems i fought in the caves in my first encounter with the Wild Hunt. Antlers sprawl over a skull resting between two hulking shoulders made out of branches, claws protruding like tendrils form its giant hands.

a challenger approaches

I reload my save, luckily losing only minutes of progress. I prepare some potions, Swallow for health regen, Thunderbolt for damage, and a powerful Griffin concoction to take an extra punch. With the Viper swords on my back and enough cheese and grapes to make an emporer of Greece shit their pants, this Level 6 monster slayer was about to collect a new trophy.

The fight is grueling. My damage is pitiful compared to his ludicrous health bar. The skull symbol over his head taunts me as I swipe away at the monstrosity. Quen is a life savor and allows me to gain control over the fight with the help of Axii.

I might even kill this son of a bitch on the first try

I say outloud to myself, nearly waking up my mouth agaped girlfriend on the couch next to me. Her snores providing a calm to balance the intensity of this battle. I chip his health down to a quarter of the silver bar. But then, as if M. Night Fucking Shyamalan himself were piloting the AI, a grey wolf lunges at me from behind, taking me down to an inch of my life.

What the…didn't I kill all the wolves? W-why does the wolf have a silver bar?

Загрузка...

Oh.

It dawns on me, this whoreson can spawn enemies too. Ladies and gentlemen, its time for Dance Dance Revolution! I'm hiting this circle button like Donald Trump craving a zero calorie cola. My fucking eyeballs are glued to the screen, kiting two foes that could easily wipe my level 6 noob ass out with one blow. I figure the wolf has to die first, especially since I want this Leshen to suffer, witnessing the life of his pet vanish by the sting of my venomous blade before tasting death himself.

Plunging my now very damaged Silver sword into the back of the foul hound, I have now made the fight a 1v1 Duel once again.

Time for big daddy

I'm hitting this guy so many times I begin calculating how many side quests I could have completed by now, how many pans I could have rescued or how many awful sex scenes I could have blankly stared at, but we are in to deep now. The cheese supply is low and I'm down to drinking pure Redanian
Ale for vitality. Drunken and exhausted, I'm close to finishing the fight when

Shyamalan Twist

The Leshen summons 3 more wolves. 3 MORE WOLVES

Flashbacks of the Capra Demon from Dark Souls overtake my ale soaked mind. My girlfriend's snores intensify in volume, a tiny yet noticeable stream of drool runs down her cheek.

AHHHHHHH

I fucking do it. I vanquish the Leshen, Setting him ablaze after closing the gap with a few quick strikes. He falls to the ground, leaving a pile of smoke where his thundering hooves once stood. To my dismay, the wolves don't disappear with their master defeated. This ain't Game of Thrones and Deus Ex Machina only appears when writers get fat and start going through divorces, but I knew I could finish this final hill.

After fleeing from the enclave of the summons, I manage to save my game following my victory over the Forest Demon. Going back to finish the fight, I Remember my training, all the knowledge I had built up with dealing with the pack of hounds earlier

Lemme just, back up, cast Yrden and switch to Quen…

Game crashed. PS4 Error Code (CE-34878-0)

Reload the save, go back to the area to find no wolves and no pile of loot.

Fuck you CD Projekt Red you Polish cunts

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