Warframe

A poorly written rant: fighting enemy bonewidow is the worst gaming experience I’ve had in years

Warframe12 - A poorly written rant: fighting enemy bonewidow is the worst gaming experience I’ve had in years
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My prior experience of fighting this poorly designed, barely working, thick as fuck metal crotch was on PTC. Back then everyone was given their own bonewidow for testing purposes, so in order to not waste my time fighting the mechs and get right to the new bounties, I’ve equipped it. Does anyone remember OG Mass Effect? When you’re playing as a solider with a shotgun, and stumble across another solder with a shotgun, you both close the distance, activate Immunity (crazy damage reduction) and proceed firing each other in the face until the ability ends, not capable of doing any meaningful damage. Yeah, fighting bonewidow with a bonewidow felt exactly that.

But I thought to myself – clearly, it can’t be that sloggy when you’re fighting one with your warframe, a more mobile unit, which is capable of reaching enemy’s vulnerable points through it’s agility. Fuck me in Javlok capacitor I was so wrong.

So today I thought that it might be fun to try out the new mecha archweapons. Surely, there is some fun in using them that can make up for how clunky they are in the ground combat. The parts required drop only from the last vault bounty with 5% chance… But I can at least try to get them; so I went to the vaults, and the first mech I’ve encountered was a bonewidow. It’s hard to imagine, but it felt even worse than fighting the previous mech variant.

At least the previous one, with all it’s bullshit untelegraphed, unexplained and counterintuitive mechanics can be cheesed with a warframe with equally bullshit abilities. But this schlong-swinging golden twat, it’s borderline non-functional. It’s abilities aren’t that terrible as the instakill granade launcher, but the hitboxes and the behavior, what kind of manure-drenched pile of potato peels is that?

It looks like the arms have fucky hitboxes; sometimes it takes one shot to blow them up, and sometimes I can’t do any damage at all. What in hell is that? How I’m suppose to locate a tiny weak spot in this homogeneous visual goo, and then shot it when this can of rotten salmon keeps running in circles, flying, and spin those shitsticks of its like a high on crack raccoon with rabies?

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But turn out, that shooting the arms off is just the preamble for the real clownfest, because, when armless, this fossilized ballsack will just moonwalk ad infinitum! Do you remember the problem I’ve had with hitboxes on its arms? Fucking forget it! You can hit them, sometimes! Hitboxes on the body are far, far worse. Those glowy armpit nipples that take less space on the necramech’s modell than a fresh colony of yeast takes on a petri dish, those void-powered buttholes, they can’t be hit from the front! Even though you can see them! It won’t take any damage from a glancing hit, no, you need to stand from the side or the back of the mech in order to have any chance of inflicting damage! The front side is invulnerable!

Now tell me, how does this mix with the fact that the goddamn mech without arms WILL BE FACING YOU ALL THE TIME? It doesn’t even need any time to turn around because it doesn’t depend on any animations, ensuring you will never be able to circle it fast enough! The only chance for you to hit it is if it decide to attack infested, your teammates, or your companions (with a possible scenario of all of the above not being present), or to ram you. What kind of shit flooded hell is that??

I know this isn’t helpful, but holy fucking hell it’s infuriating! After two iso vaults I’ve had to shut down my PC and stare at the window for a while, and I can’t remember when was the last time a game managed to piss me off like this. I don’t know whether it’s time for another long break from warframe for me, I’m not going back to the vaults it the foreseeable future, that’s for sure.

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