This will be a long and disorderly rant that will not make me any friends as I will dare to, quote on quote, "show weakness", but it is something that I really want to get off my chest. Sorry for the misleading flair; there is no "cry me a river" flair so I have to make do with what I have.
I have just had an awful few attempts at legend FoW. These attempts cemented my opinion about myself that I've had for roughly two months now, namely that I suck unbelievably hard at Vermintide 2 and that it pisses me off immensely. I play Vermintide 2 ever since the early beta. I won't tell for how long exacly, but my game time is very well into the four digit numbers now. It probably puts me in some sort of top 5% VT2 players with the longest play time. Before that I have played VT1 for around a thousand hours. In both games I have been a late arrival to Cata/Legend, trying it after around 600 hours in both. Back in VT1 I only played Cataclysm on weekends, for the double key contracts, while in VT2 I made a complete transition to that difficulty level.
Now it is hundreds of hours later and I cannot believe how lame I am at this game.
It isn't always that horrible. I sometimes have times when I rock, get almost no damage, kill everything, carry grims, solo rescue whole party and am a general badass. But often, way too often, I suck. I can get hit by the simplest of things, like solo trash mobs. I get surrounded by hordes and score hits in my back like a tool. I wield a crossbow and get outsniped by a mage with fireball staff. I eat those overhead attacks even though I should see them from a mile away. I routinely fu*k up missions like going invisible as a RV to take care of a pesky special, only able to watch as the horde or something else stops me and the rest of the party takes care of the problem without me. I get outkilled by a flamethrower-wielding IB when I play a mage, and when we change chars and I go IB wth Irondrake, my friend outkills me as a mage. Don't get me wrong, I am not a green circle whore – what I mean is that people usually do better than me no matter how I try. I cannot aim headshots for shit, especially on Chaos Warriors… My technical knowledge is also lacking. I should remember stuff like stamina and block range of most weapons, talents, traits etc. by heart by now, at least most of it, but I do not.
Long story short, I blow. When I do well or even great it feels like it is more because other players are bad rather than me being good.
It is so goddamn frustrating. I play this game almost every day, I read about it on Reddit, I sometimes even watch gameplay videos, although I dislike doing this, and still I fail. It is like no matter what I do, I cannot get -good- at it. I am starting to feel goddamn -ashamed- when playing. "Hey, look, it is Bonody, that guy who has no life and spends every day playing this game and can't even get consistently good at it". I should be finishing Legend matches with closed eyes and one hand behind my back, and instead I lag behind people with half my game time. "Maybe you simply don't have the talent for this game". Fu*k talent. I have played it a LOT and continue playing it a lot. I should be great at it because of a lots of experience alone. I do not ask to be some kind of uber-pro-top player that does three true solos every day for lulz; I "just" want to be very, very good at Vermintide 2, and consistently so too, without those ups and downs that I experience pretty much every day. I mean, if I cannot get good even at a video game that I play for dozens of hundreds of hours, not out of must but because I enjoy it, then what can I get good at?
There. Had to let this out. I did not attack anyone and, for a rant topic, conducted myself pretty civil, so at least do me a favour and don't let me know that I should "lol git gud".
© Post "Crying myself a river" for game Warhammer: Vermintide.
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