I doubted it before, while opening hundreds upon hundreds of commendation chests in my 600 hours of playtime, telling myself some varieties of "It's just RNG, nothing to be mad about…".
Clearly, I was wrong.
I know for a fact that Fatshark has decided not to give me hats. They definitely have it out for me. They must have multiple departments setup solely to prevent me from ever getting a hat. Jess from accounting was just about to visit his cancer-ridden mother for the last time with his daughter, but when the call came to replace a hat in my commendation chest with a 295 power blue item he immediately cancelled and got to work with a bright smile.
Bob from the pancake commercial was supposed to show up to court to fight for parental custody, but when the call came that I would get a hat, he immediately let his alcoholic ex-wife get her clutches upon his mentally disabled son, just to replace my hat with a 300 power white necklace.
Jeanine over at balancing was supposed to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her hard work in Somalia. She of course declined the event, letting some other sap have the thing, just to replace the hat that was supposed to be in my commendation chest with a 297 power green item, all the while twirling her moustache and snickering to herself for another nefarious deed done in the name of preventing hats from ever reaching me.
Har har, you were so clever, Fatshark, thinking I wouldn't be on to you. You likely spent days, weeks, months on end, thinking up various ways to thwart me, undoubtedly laughing at my hatless existence.
But then you went and released Patch 1.1, and finally gave the me the ability to get a hat for the paltry effort of playing 100 legendary/champ games. Now nothing can prevent me from getting a hat. Nothing. Nothing.
© Post "It is clear now that Fatshark is conspiring to keep me personally from ever attaining hats." for game Warhammer: Vermintide.
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