World of Warcraft

The 9.0.5 M+ experience

wow4 - The 9.0.5 M+ experience


Hello Reddit, I need to vent! Hopefully you can entertain yourselves with my misfortune. Here goes:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to patch 9.0.5, where M+ has once again a reason of existence, at least for the casual players, the alts and…. the unfortunate people missing a piece of two (looking at you scale and IQD). A few information about your dear narrator and protagonist. I am a 1.4k Rio DK (Blood/Unholy) who clears all dungeons on 15 comfortably, often +2ing them, but i am simply not interested in pushing higher as the rewards stop at 15, and the pain train continues to accelerate to infinity.

Prologue: This grind shall pierce your heart!

It's 00:30, my guild raid has ended with a fairly successful farm run up to Xy'mox M. Moral is high, bunts were successful, loot was distributed. Most of the most sane members of the team go to sleep. But I thirst for more. As you might have imagined from the earlier mention of the scale and IQD, I have accepted that De Other Side will be my tomb by the end of Shadowlands. After 60+ DOS runs since the start of the expansion, and not seeing the scale even once, i hunger for loot, I am 2 items away from my full BIS! (IQD was kind enough to drop from vault fairly early at 207 ilvl, still needs replacing). This is the week I tell myself. There has never been a better time to brute farm the thing. I ask in guild chat if anyone has a DOS 15. We have 4 TOP 16s, one Mists 15 and one HoA 17 at the time. Unlucky. But then… a brave hunter guildy whispers the magic words . I'm hyped, I'm not lost to the pug world yet. I group up with the hunter (we will call him N) and I ask in guild chat if anyone else wants to join. No luck. Pugging it is after all…


Chapter 1: Place your faith in your guildies

I open the group finder and start advertising our key (insert our key comrade meme). Even though I am queued as a tank, a 1.9k rio VDH queues. Perfect I thought, I can finally enjoy unholy for a bit! I recruit him. Our group is rounded up by a warrior guildy, who although has an appropriate rio, he is one of those players who… kinda don't live up to it (you know who you are). Nevertheless he is a very friendly person that i don't mind helping out. Our last recruit is a bossy 1.7k rio resto shaman. So our run begins. It goes smoothly, a few deaths here and there by our warrior due to tunnel vision but otherwise pretty good. At this point I have to mention that N has 900 rio, but he is a pretty decent player (99% parses on CN HC, and about 6k overall dps in dungeons) but our shammy friend immediately goes off with instructions and directions and how we need to do, well… basically everything. After a dps race on Hakkar with N (9.4k for me, 9.2k for him, suck my peepee if you end up reading this, oh and our warrior had 4k eks dee) our shammy points out that our warrior's dps is unacceptable. I counter by saying that the other two dps more than cover for him. He reluctantly continues our run. Now, I don't want to sell our warrior's glorious misplay short. You see, this extremely likable glue eater of a dps changes targets by tabbing, never clicking. This is an important detail when you think of all the interrupts he missed, but even more so for the following event. Fast forward to the mechagon wing, at the pull that consists of the big dog, a robot and 4 small exploding droids. As we all know, you pull the four living bombs by aggroing them and then carefully cc'ing them. Or… you can charge one of them by mistake, panic cast bladestorm, cancel it, and then heroic leap back into the group with the four fuckers running after you primed and ready. Between storming and the dog aoe stun, we don't react fast enough. Kaboom boys 5 – Team Clusterfuck 0. Four of us resurrect, one does not. The shaman's otherwise blue unit frame turns gray. "Offline", just like my will to live whenever I'm in DOS. We give him three minutes to come back. He never shows up. The key is dead. A pity, because it was easily going for a +2 between our capable tank and the combined firepower of me and N. We rant a bit, but such is life….. Requeue.

Chapter 2: More dan our fair share tsk tsk

We remove the warrior from the group with the excuse that we are going +2 spamming for valor. We lied. We requeued for the 15. It's me and N now, my trusty blasting, auction house goblining, hunter friend and guildy. I queue up as blood but once again we get a 1.7k monk tank with a 1.4k boomkin. I go unholy, yay me. Our healer is a resto druid, competent but otherwise irrelevant to the story. We are off to a rocky start. See, N isn't just an auction house goblin, I legitimately believe that he has an addiction to the WoW AH. He is always online afk'ing his ass in Darnassus of all places on his mage, and only comes out of there when he has to do content. No world quests, no mog farming, no exploration, no mounts, no pvp, nothing. AH -> Raid -> M+ (sometimes) -> repeat. All day, everyday. With our group assembled, this socially incapable popsicle, this personification of a goblin, truly a masterpiece of bad timing, decides to log to his alt to check his auctions, while we are ready checking to get the key going…. HIS KEY. His hunter goes offline, his mage is humping burnt trees in darnassus while selling everything this god forsaken realm has to offer. The offline status pops on our UIs. The tank leaves. So does their dps friend. The bro healer stays. We find another tank, also a monk, 1.5k rio, and a fire mage. With the dumbass back on his hunter and the key locked in, off we go. We are blasting through, all three dps being on fire (one of us literally) , tank on point, healer being crisp af. This is it, if there ever was a DOS key that can +3, this is the one. All of a sudden, as we are moving in the ardenweald zone with 22minutes left on the timer, the tank comes to a halt and exclaims something that makes my heart drop: "Wait… it's a 14???". I check the UI. It is indeed a 14, how could I mess this up. We failed the previous key so it couldn't be a 15, that's not how it works. I try to explain that it was not changed by accident from our previous run and that it would be a waste of everyones time to stop now! The monk says nothing more aside from : "Thanks for the run, but I don't play with liars". He leaves the group and hearthstones out with N yelling all sorts of stuff about his beloved mother. I get that false advertisement is a bitch, but it was an honest mistake! It can happen to everyone. Besides with our speed we were maximum 10 minutes away from the end! We rant a a bit, but such is life… Requeue.


Chapter 3: Begone, casual filth!

It's 02:30, two hours of nothing. Between breaks to untilt, failed keys and some yolo pvp (we got smashed btw), this night just keeps proving itself increasingly taxing to my mental sanity. Our DOS 15 is now a DOS 13. I am pissed, N is pissed, we want this bitch. Scale good, cube good, fail bad. I am tanking this time, no more small ego tanks, no more pleb dps role. I was born for this bitch of a role. Blood is the carry, the "Fine, ill do it myself" spec, always has been. We pug our two mediocre dps and a paladin healer with 1700 rio. It all goes smoothly. A bit less dps than our previous run but none the less we are heading for a comfortable +2 once again. That's until the third boss (Xe'ra) where our healer had a brainfart and didn't take the trap while he had the bomb, leaving me to solo the last 8% of the boss. And then another brainfart on Mueh'Zala, where he took the portal with another dps instead of following me, the tank, causing me to leave the add alive with 2k hp. We finish regardless, with 7min left on the clock. I open the box, and you guessed it, it's 105 anima. I shove it in my inventory with tears of depression forming at the eyes of my poor death knight. At least I am 3% closer to unlocking the next ember court upgrade. Such is life…. Requeue.

Chapter 4: You must face your punishment!

With our DOS key done, we get a beautiful Sanguine Depths 14. Cucked. Pugging it is. N states he is too tilted to go again, and he is off to his tree hugging greedy arsoning catastrophe of a mage. All the better, it's easier to get into pugs as a solo tank. Indeed it takes just two applications before I am accepted into a fresh DOS15. I'm happy and I want to throw my PC out of the window at the same time. This is the one, I earned it. I know the dungeon inside out. LETS BLAST THIS BITCH WIDE OPEN. Aaaand the dps can't break 4k single target (queue risitas laughing) . None of them. Not even with pride and hero combined. Our resto shaman died on every single mechanic that required personal awareness, with my favorite being him running like a headless chicken out of the AMZ I put specifically right on top of him, and then getting clapped by the Rage mob's aoe cast. Our unholy death knight took the "death" part of his class name very seriously and made sure to honor it for as long as possible whenever he got a chance. He also never ever aligned cds and never used army on a boss, instead wasting it on half dead trash packs. Our Havoc DH did their part but they really couldn't hope to outweigh the failures of the other three players. And finally our mage ice blocked the second a mechanic looked their way and stayed in the ice block for its full duration. Long story short, we defeat Hakkar with 24 minutes left and 30 deaths on the counter. I would leave, but you have to understand there aren't many DOS15s going on at 4am in the morning. Instead I tell them on the spot:"The key is dead already, we are 100% failing you want to finish it anyway, i am fine with not timing it, just focus so it doesn't drag out for too long. Otherwise let's call it here" The party unanimously agrees to continue. Fast forward to a few more failures and we are just entering the ardenweald zone when the timer reaches 00:00 and daddy Denathrius mocks us for our failure. The following dialogue takes place between me and the group leading mage immediately after:

  • Anyway m8, thanks for trying, see you!
  • ??
  • We are going to start it again on 14, no point in finishing now
  • We are literally 5 pulls away from the end. You still have a chance to get 210 loot, it still counts for vault. We are done with the hard parts! (I know we really werent)
  • Nope we are restarting.
  • Wtf?? I literally asked you this 25 minutes ago, I even pointed out it was a guaranteed failure
  • well these things happen mate. I am sure you will do another one
  • Queue me going off on him until he put me on ignore, something about time wasting deranged fingerless animals, or maybe not

Chapter 5: Pain… Confusion…

I return to Sinfall exhausted. I love this covenant sanctum. The music always helps. Not this time. I open up the guild tab. N is still staring at night elf titties while selling his family out for blizzard balance. I share my story, he offers me two flasks for free for my suffering, I call him a cheap fuck and I log out. I apologize over chat and we have some good bunts. I end up asking for the flasks. He asks me who's the cheap fuck now. He sends me the flasks, I accept them. For free. I rant a bit, but such is life… Uninstall

Consider this my official plea for blizzard to create a new report category for m+ key ruiners.

And don't queue for DOS this week if you belong in any of the above categories :))))

PS1: I'm joking of course

PS2: Unless…

PS3: Thank you for reading my story!

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