I would've called this Buyers Beware, but I think everyone owns a Warspite already and I… want a bit of a fresh start! It's been over half a year since I reviewed a ship and I feel bad about it, but I've got a bunch of good reasons (or excuses, if you prefer) for it.
I didn't even look at my old reviews as a guideline for how I actually formatted stuff this time. Which I usually do because my memory is really bad. I'm just gonna… write, and try to have fun with it without worrying if it's ''up to standard'' or whatever. Like the good old days.
The bad stuff
- There really just isn't a lot.
- What am I supposed to say about a ship whose main battery has long been the standard of firepower for a tier 6 battleship?
- There's not a lot. I think the worst thing you can say is… Nothing. Warspite's guns are glorious. Whoops, there I go gushing over this ship in the section where I'm supposed to list the cons.
- The one bad thing is that the turrets still turn pretty slowly (though not anywhere near as slow as they used to, thank fuck).
- Fuck. Let's just move on to the next part, which if I remember correctly is-
- Or at least I seem to recall so.
- It's not a lot. I mean, if you're seriously invested in tier 6 battleship secondaries to begin with, you're kind of a doofus.
- The Grand Old Lady gets an absolutely whopping four barrels (count them) of 152mm guns per side, and another four barrels of 102mm.
- The volume of fire is dismal, and while the 6'' guns in particular can set fires decently, they fire pretty slowly for the calibre (8.6s) and it's generally just not really worth relying on Warspite's secondary guns for anything other than the occasional bonus fire when you get right up in someone's grill.
- also these are battleship secondaries and you know what they say about battleship secondaries (but in case you don't, they hit jack fucking shit)
- It's been half a year since my last review and I still don't really understand new AA as thoroughly as I'd like. I'd rate my understanding of it like… passable, I guess.
- Warspite has a decently respectable little chunk of DPS in her short/mid range AA bubbles, but they're… short ranged. The small and medium calibre AA only springs into action at 2km and 2.5km respectively, which is really just not enough to thin out strikes before they feed you spoonfuls of shit.
- Does anybody give a shit about flak? I play CVs (occasionally) and I don't, unless I'm flying through a Minowall or some shit like that.
- I call it protection because otherwise people will argue about ''armour vs armor''. Subscribe to my mailing list for more fun behind the scenes tidbits.
- Warspite is well known for having the whackiest shit for an armour scheme. This goes back like, four years.
- Basically for some indiscernable reason WG decided to consider the bits of the ship that used to contain torpedoes (back when folks were still putting torpedoes on battleships) as part of the citadel. Which, uh, makes zero fucking sense because Warspite is modeled in her interwar refit form which had this torpedo crap removed.
- Not only that, but ships which do have torpedoes in their modeled form don't have the torpedo flats modeled as part of the citadel, which is just brainy as fuck.
- The upshot is you have a hefty chunk of citadel that shouldn't be citadel and also exists pretty much completely outside of the proper citadel protection. They're deep in the ship, but it's entirely possible to eat shit through those particular flats. Ugh.
- Warspite doesn't get quite enough slope on her protected deck to trigger any real bounce cheks on incoming shells. It looks like a turtleback but 'tisn't. That's an actual word.
- more like turtlewhack lmao
- Warspite's deck is 26mm which, you know… tends to get mauled by HE spam. She has a big forehead too, and if someone isn't brainlessly chucking HE at center mass, you'll probably take considerable chunks of HE damage.
- Uh… The damage control party only lasts five seconds, I guess?
- Not a lot of bad things to say here!
- The one thing I will say is that 12.4km of surface detection is pretty average for the tier these days. It's not terrible but also not fantastic (I avoided the meme phrase here, it's 2020 already, come on).
- I guess Warspite is kinda slow but most tier 6 battleships are. The latest few arrivals have bucked that trend a bit and 23.5 knots can feel real awkward when trying to reposition, but it isn't horrendous.
- This review is a mess. You're welcome.
- The rudder can really take its sweet dingledang ol time to come about, with a base rudder shift time of 14.2s. You may need to consider investing in the mod if you're worried about being caught out.
- What the fuck did I put here before?
- The model is old. Really old. Warspite doesn't get Cool Features like transparent glass and fresh coats of paint to take the rust off.
- The Tower of Power looks a bit disproportionate but in like, a charmingly rad way. Which… means it's not actually a con, but I need to fill this bit out. Get off my back.
The good stuff
- baby oh baby
- Warspite has been and still is the standard to which other tier 6 battleships are held, especially ones that bring 15''+ calibre guns to battle.
- For good reason; Warspite, befitting of her shared record for the longest ranged gunnery hit at sea, boasts some pretty gnarly accuracy in those big mean 15'' guns.
- Warspite and a few of her British cousins get their unique dispersion formula that puts them just a notch under USN dispersion at most ranges, and strikingly close to large cruiser dispersion at point blank ranges.
- What this means is you can Colonize things with the utmost accuracy. In relative terms. BB shells still go everywhere in this cursed game.
- Warspite also has a not-that-unique-but-still-really-cool gimmick of having 15'' guns at tier 6, which… overmatch 26mm plating. This means that Warspite can go front towards enemy against anything that has smaller than 15'' calibre guns and shrug off the majority of incoming pain, and dish it right back out directly through their fucking gob. As long as they're tier 7 battleships or tier 8 cruisers, or lower.
- The raw penetration on these guns is also pretty solid (I shouldn't use that word when talking about penetration). Warspite's guns will penetrate most of her peers' main belts out to a very respectable 14-15km, which is not something every tier 6 battleship can boast (I'm looking at you, PEF).
- The secbat looks rad when it starts to pop off.
- They will set fires. Sometimes. Maybe. If you get really lucky they'll detonate a destroyer.
- Yeah I guess secondaries on tier 6 battleships are just kind of garbage. Sorry.
- Uh… When someone decides to linger in your short range AA for a while, they'll lose planes, which is I guess bad for them.
- Oh yeah the octuple pom-poms look super cool. They're like the coolest AA gun in existence by a country mile, and if you disagree, you're wrong.
- They stuck like eight of them together and gave them a cute name, come on!
- you know it's tragic when this is the best I have to say about them
- I mean…
- Warspite has some super wonky armour, as outlined above.
- The one thing that is pretty good (well, more like decent) about big spoot's armour is that she has solid armour coverage, with a funny little strip of 6'' armour raising above the main belt and respectable 4'' end belts.
- By ''respectable'' I mean they're the bare minimum for end belts but, well, it's something, right?
- While Warspite will quickly wither away against other battleships when caught broadside, she's pretty comprehensively cruiser AP-proof, with a 12'' main belt and 5'' deck slopes to throw a wrench in the plans of any enterprising CA players. Unless, of course, they shoot the 4'' end belts and hit the torpedo flats.
- The turtleback will occasionally bounce something. Sometimes. If you're lucky.
- lmao turtlewhack
- Warspite has a bit of a reputation for being blessed by the gods of gimmick, even though there's way more gimmicky shit out there in current year.
- She gets gimmicks in a good way, though, with a repair party that gives you more HP back per tick (or, as I will henceforth dub it, ''unbang per buck'') and a fast-reloading damage control party usually found on cruisers. The shorter duration is a mixed bag, but the quicker cooldown is a very welcome bonus.
- Warspite is a really old ship, having been ingame since before the game even went into open beta, and part of this is that she was implemented before battleships got their turning circles and rudder shift times nerfed around 0.5ish. The upshot of this is that Warspite turns tight as fuck, with a listed turning circle radius of 550m.
- If that's wrong, please correct me, I don't have time to spin ships in circles ad nauseam, unlike the other, better review writer.
- Warspite can dance pretty well with her rudder hard over, and combined with her respectable top speed (23.5 knots, if you forgot), sailing her around is usually a pretty pleasant experience.
- It's fucking Warspite, mang. It's the coolest ship in the game by name, and has a serious claim to that title by service history.
- I mean, Warspite. Who came up with that? It's so unnecessarily cool-sounding.
- The Tower of Power looks mega cool and so do the turrets. I really like the old 15'' mounts the Royal Navy had. They look so nice and smooth.
- The one part of her model that's been updated is the little crest on her Tower of Power, which is just so sublime in its own funky way.
- She still has a sternwalk, which is pretty unusual for a ship that actually survived into WW2. It's also really cool.
- It's Warspite! Warspite!! The ship that brought me out of a seven month hiatus!
In summary, and some thoughts on Warspite in 2020
I touted Warspite as the standard of tier 6 battleship firepower and I stand by it. She even uptiers well into 7, and puts up a fight against tier 8. The selling point really is the super-accurate, punchy, overmatch-capable main battery, but Warspite marries these guns with a nimble, reasonably brisk and deceptively powerful platform and all of it adds up into a ship that's just a joy to play.
Being one of the the oldest premium battleships in the game, Warspite has had to fight for her spot in the tier 6 lineup several times. As it turns out, though, having overmatch-capable guns (for the tier) with great accuracy makes a ship supremely meta-resistant; the same reason Yamato has enjoyed her spot at the top for so long. Warspite isn't reliant on gimmicks that might be outdated next patch or any game mechanics liable to change in the short term, and all of it adds up into a battleship that is, in my opinion, still just as capable as she was today as she was four years ago.
tl;dr accurate, punchy guns that can overmatch on a nimble (and really cool) ship
Cool History Trivia™️
- I'd do a summary of her career but Warspite had a really long career and it'd end up being longer than the review, and I doubt the majority of my readers actually give a shit.
- Cool History Fact™️ number 1: Warspite had a recurring steering issue (wonky steering) from battle damage she sustained on her first ever proper fight, during the Battle of Jutland.
- Local workers also pelted her with coal when she pulled back into port because she'd had the audacity to not solo the entire HSF. How's that for a pick-me-up?
- She then did jack shit until she was significantly rebuilt during the interbellum, to a somewhat different pattern than lead ship Queen Elizabeth. This is also where she received the Tower of Power.
- She spent the first half of WW2 fucking around in the Mediterranean, where she got her nickname ''Grand Old Lady'' after a comment made by Admiral Cunningham when Warspite sped back to Malta after a bombardment (''Operation well carried out. There is no question when the old lady lifts her skirts she can run.'')
- The ''grand'' part was presumably tacked on because it sounds cool as hell.
- Warspite has the distinction of being one of two battleships to get hit by a Fritz X (goofy German gliding bomb), and being the only one not to explode immediately afterwards. She sustained some pretty severe damage that put a turret out of action that was never fixed, as by that time she was more or less a glorified monitor anyway.
- When being towed to the scrappers after the war, Warspite decided ''fuck that noise'', slipped her tow, and beached herself hard enough that they just ended up scrapping her in place. Which really is the perfect way for the old lady to go out; defiant to the end.
It's not a Vaexa Review Experience without a soggy afterword.
First, and most importantly, I wrote a Warspite review because /u/horsememes (who you all know and love) really, really, really likes the ship (both ingame and the actual thing) and it's his birthday. Wish him a happy birthday. Happy birthday, small dingus man!
Secondly… my sweeping hiatus, huh? I feel like that's the elephant in the room.
To be totally frank, I've been really, really burned out both on writing and WoWS. As my long-time readers may know, I'm an anxiety-prone person, and imposter syndrome is nasty. I've started reviews, nearly finished them, and just scrapped them because I felt they were inadequate and that people wouldn't enjoy them. It's hard to write because I enjoy writing sometimes. I think I enjoyed this one, though.
Secondly… it's not a controversial thing to say that 2019 has been a rocky year for boat game, right? I don't want to go into the nitty gritty of it and I'm not interested in going into it in the comments either, but the sheer and overwhelming amount of negativity that's pervading this game is exhausting. I'm not blaming anyone for it or saying you're not allowed to be negative about the game, but at some point last December (PR fiasco…) it reached critical mass and I had to take time away from the game and do other things that weren't filled with negativity and awfulness. Bad time, since that's… when I was planning to start doing reviews regularly again.
I've been taking baby steps to getting back into a game I still love. Actually playing it again, trawling the modqueue (not good for the negativity aspect, granted…) and finally writing some reviews again.
If you're a long time reader, a thousand thank yous for being so patient and sticking with me all this time. I do this to give people a chuckle, or to at least make them smile, and if I've managed to do that I'd say I'm happy with this review.
If you're a new reader, welcome to ''Vaexa is a sappy bitch''. Enjoy your stay, and I hope you enjoyed this review.
As ever, thanks for reading! If I was wrong anywhere or I fucked up any grammar, spelling or markup, lemme know and I'll fix it asap. <3
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