CoD: Black Ops 4

The Sweat-Lord’s guide to Black Ops 4: How to become the Pubstomper.

black ops 4 1 - The Sweat-Lord's guide to Black Ops 4: How to become the Pubstomper.
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I'm not going to lie to you folks – I'm a massive tryhard. I am a sweaty piece of shit. I play to win, because I weigh 450 pounds and I can't win at life – Mostly because I spend all day leveling up tiers for Reserve Points. Sad! But in my time, I've learned some things – For example, how to squeeze out every last drop of that mountain-dew-green tinted sweat from my heaving chest as I play this game like if I don't run a 4 KD, my whole family will be killed in front of me.

How do I do that? You may be questioning yourself, feeling repulsed, yet intrigued at my proposition. Well, there's a couple things – My very specific choice in weapons, 1 attachment, 1 gear, and 4 perks. So buckle in as I go through each one of them, teaching you how to become the pubstomping tryhard you love to hate during your Black Ops 4 gameplay sessions.

Step 1: Which Specialists you play –

4zOnSwi - The Sweat-Lord's guide to Black Ops 4: How to become the Pubstomper.
Take a look at these 3 dickheads. They're Seraph (QUEEEEEEEN!), Crash (OMG SLAAAAAAY) and Firebreak (Bruh!). These are the only specialists you are ever going to play.
hEEOJqV - The Sweat-Lord's guide to Black Ops 4: How to become the Pubstomper.
This is what your specialist select screen looks like now. Why? Because if you're playing any of those other goobers, you might as well just go play Roblox because you're not playing right if you're not one of the big three.

If you're on a mode like Free For All or Team Deathmatch, you play Crash. You need ammo when you've spent this entire life firmly inserting some shitkids into the dumpster. How the heck are you gonna reload if you don't have any bullets, you gosh darn wingnut? You need to throw down some of those packs to keep you and your completely irrelevant team nice and topped off.

If you're playing a mode like Domination or Hardpoint, guess what? You're playing a specialist like Firebreak or Seraph. That's it. If your team has lots of offense like a Battery, Ruin, or even another Firebreak, you're playing Seraph. Why? Because everyone knows how it feels to play an objective gamemode with teammates who aren't aware an objective even exists. Slap down a tac deploy beacon and you can physically force those braindead morons to play the fucking game! It's that simple.

If you have a Seraph, and not a whole lot of area control like Battery or Ruin, you're gonna run Firebreak. Why? Because those geniuses at Treyarch thought that somehow, holding R1 to kill the entire team through a wall, was balanced. If the enemy team is taking your objective, just fuckin' microwave them! If the other team is holed up defending a point, just fuckin' microwave em! Guess what you do if the enemy team is about to get through a chokepoint? Let's just say if John Doe was in multiplayer, he'd be getting some good ass eats. Plus, Firebreak's Purifier is overwhelmingly the best specialist gun in the game. You can get literally like over a dozen kills with each usage and the range is a lot longer than it looks like, and nobody uses Flak Jacket.

Step 2: High Cal II –

Remember Call of Duty 4? Remember how fucking busted it was when someone ran Stopping Power with the M16? Well guess what? That's in the game again. That's what they thought we wanted back in COD. That's our game. That's what you're playing. Stopping Power in 2019.

If you're not using
A6YMnFb - The Sweat-Lord's guide to Black Ops 4: How to become the Pubstomper.
one of these Bozos, guess what? You fucked up. People using these guns are gonna be tearing you to shreds. These are the only viable guns in Black Ops 4, and that's just about objective fact. The TTK on the Auger is literally a quarter of the ICR's or the VAPR's or the KN57's. The Rampart is around 2/3rds of its TTK and the Daemon around half's – But only if you're using High Cal II.

High Cal II will be your one way ticket to pub Godhood. Don't be fooled, anything else is a false shepherd leading you to the depths of Black Ops hell, where timmy_smith2004 and Armless_gamer reside.

Step 3: Stim Shot –

A little known lore fact about Black Ops 4 – The Stim Shot is actually blue meth, from the hit television show Breaking Bad. Now I'm gonna ask you, what would you rather have in the heat of battle – a stupid little thing that makes you call in killstreaks faster, some body armor, or an endless supply of meth? I think we all know the answer to that.

You heal faster, you can use your gun and mantle, and generally just play a lot more dexterously than you can otherwise. Body armor is pretty useless and clashes with our perk choice, the Cosmec device is fucking useless, equipment charge helps you with calling cards and that's literally it, and there's one more I can't remember – Yes, it's that bad, along with how awful frags, combat axes, and concussions are.

The Stim-Shot allows you to play more dangerously, get more shots out, and jump around like a true meth addict should. It's the only gear you should use and essential to your pub stomping prowess.

Step 4: Perks –

There's a lot of completely stupid, worthless perks in this game. Scavenger? Fuck off, you're playing Crash. Team Link and Tracker? I don't know what they do, and if you do, you've glanced over their descriptions too many times. Ghost? Literally only works if you're playing badly. I can go on and on, but there's a clear cut selection of perks you're using.

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For the first slot, always use Engineer. Tac mask and Flak Jacket really aren't important and aren't going to help you in many situations if you're playing right, and once again, I'm gonna have to ask Scavenger to fuck off. Engineer lets you see the stupid dog coming, lets you see if there's a barrier around a corner just about to turn you into delicious bacon, and lets you see where exactly the other team's killstreaks are. It's indispensable.

For your second perk, you're gonna run 2 – Gung Ho, and Leightweight. Gung Ho is absolutely fucked balance wise, and you're gonna abuse the shit out of it. It lets you almost negate your sprint out time, allowing a lot more leniency for unexpected gunfights, and helps you win a lot more gunfights than any other perk. Lightweight is also incredibly powerful, and will allow you to take fights much more often that you have the advantage in.

With Lightweight, you're going to be getting a brand new gameplay habit – Start jumping. Every. Single. Couple. Seconds. You're going to get into the habit of bunny hopping everywhere. Bunny hopping, especially with lightweight, takes your hitbox, and turns it into a twisted monstrosity not even the best players can keep track of. You're going to jump around every corner, jump through ever choke point, jump every time you see something move. If you're playing this game like it's a Boots on the Ground COD, guess what? You're playing it wrong.

For your final perk, you're gonna run Dead Silence. This is the most dispensable, as some players (Note: these players are known as bad players) run the Acoustic Sensor. If you want a gun sight or whatever, feel free to drop it. It does what it does in all the COD games – Helps you play all sneaky-beaky like.

Step 5: Your Secondary –

This step is the most difficult to distill – It's been pretty simple, up until Step 5. For your secondary, you are either running nothing, or the Hellion Salvo. How do you make this choice? Well I'll tell you.

First, you're gonna never use your Salvo against anything other than a Counter UAV or a UAV. Though these are the most common streaks, they are the easiest to destroy. The Hellion Salvo is absolute garbage against anything above those 2 killstreaks. The fucking hunk of garbage doesn't spawn with enough ammo to destroy them. So if you're not playing against a team with lots of UAVs, then you've basically got an empty point when you could've had a sight on your primary or in some cases, an extra perk. Instead, for things like Sniper's Nests and the Strike team, just kill yourself and equip the FMJ 2 titan default class and shoot it down. Then kill yourself again and badda bing badda boom (literally), you're done.

So what you're going to do is, as a sweat god, have 2 sets of 3 classes – Your Rampart, Auger, and Daemon Class. Each swaps in and out the hellion salvo in exchange for something else. If you're playing against UAV and CUAV spammers, you pick the Salvo class. Literally anything else and you're on your no secondary class.

This leads me to our next and final point –

Step 6: Sweat God's Ascension, or, your Loadouts.

Your loadouts will be as follows –

1.

Primary – Auger DMR – High Caliber I and High Caliber II, along with a reflex sight.

Secondary – Hellion Salvo

Gear – Stim-Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight

2.

Primary – Rampart 17 – High Cal I, High Cal II

Secondary – Hellion Salvo

Gear – Stim Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight, Dead Silence

3.

Primay – Daemon 3xb – High Cal I, High Cal II, along with a Reflex Sight

Secondary – Hellion Salvo

Gear – Stim Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight

4.

Primary – Auger DMR – High Caliber I and High Caliber II, along with a reflex sight.

Secondary – None

Gear – Stim-Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight, Dead Silence

5.

Primary – Rampart 17 – High Cal I, High Cal II, along with a Reflex Sight

Secondary – None

Gear – Stim Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight, Dead Silence

6.

Primay – Daemon 3xb – High Cal I, High Cal II, along with a Reflex Sight

Secondary – None

Gear – Stim Shot

Perks – Engineer, Gung Ho, Lightweight, Dead Silence

These are all the loadouts you need to ascend to the grand title of Sweatlord.


With all of these tips, tricks, and abuses of horrendously bad balancing, you too can become a total piece of shit, no life, perma-virgin pubstomper like me. You too can achieve the mindset of grinding reserve crates to replace your emptiness in life, you too can substitute having a fulfilling romantic life or any semblance of a social circle with the 100% percenter calling card.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I do not enjoy playing this game.

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