I'm a veteran Destiny player and I have autism spectrum disorder, OCD, depression, anxiety and CPTSD. Just saying that here is difficult. Destiny has always been an escape from the hellish reality that is my life. At one point it was my only reason for living. On my list of reasons to live I have "see the conclusion of Destiny". I at least want to beat The Darkness before I lose to my own darkness.
There was a time when I was an expert raider. I could do any job in any raid throughout the entirety of D1. I had every exotic, I went flawless twice, accomplished every triumph in the record books, I conquered every challenge the game had to offer. It was a struggle though and it became too much. I've experienced most of D2 alone, especially the last couple of years. I don't have every exotic, I rarely raid (haven't even played Garden of Salvation), and I have many challenges that have been unmet. Socializing is hard for me to say the least. It's been hard for me to stick with playing with friends because I mostly play during the day because night is my worst time and I have a calming routine I do to keep me grounded and sometimes I'll go weeks where I'm too drained to play with people. I fear playing with people because I've had so many people give me shit for having to leave or not being able to get on or play for long or playing at "weird times". I just couldn't take always worrying about judgement from people on top of the stress of socializing and performing in high level content.
I'm writing this for two reasons. I'm hoping there are some decent guardians here to offer me some reassurance and kind words and I'm hoping maybe I can finally find my squad. Part of my calming routine is watching Destiny YouTubers and I so desperately want what they have. I watch Th3 Jez play with Hush or Datto or I watch My Name is Byf do his TSLAYP videos or SirDimetrious play with Gladd and Redeem and I want that camaraderie. I've had glimpses of it but no one ever really stuck with me or they played with other people who were offensive or harsh so I steered clear. Ideally I'd like someone who is willing to chat and get to know me a little and maybe even go to the effort of asking me to play and get me out of my shell. I'm pretty fun and funny when you get to know me, I just take some time to get comfortable. Hopefully I can find at least some of what I'm looking for here. We're most likely getting ready to head into the biggest chapter in Destiny history this fall and I just don't want to experience it alone. I've spent most of my life fighting my darkness alone and I don't want to fight The Darkness alone.
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