Destiny 2

FREEZING OUR ROTO JOINTS OFF: The Europa Vex Report

destiny2 3 - FREEZING OUR ROTO JOINTS OFF: The Europa Vex Report
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Transmission sent by Arcion, Disappointed Mind.

If you would like to be taken off of this mailing list, interface with your nearest conflux and submit your request. It will be denied, but we will identify you as a dissident unit and facilitate your correction. If this message does not apply to your timeline, send this along to your appropriate counterpart.

I’m Arcion, the latest Hydra saddled with making these tedious reports while turning into a radiolarian Popsicle. I was able to transfer from Mercury before the Thing happened, so I should probably be thankful. Not everyone got out of that in one piece. I don’t care much for Lightbearers, but it was nice that they got to ride their little scooters just before the end. Anyway, on with the report.

Our partnership with the Fallen, who we also want to kill apparently: Spoke to a Captain who told me that not only would he be the one to fill the power vacuum left by Eramis, but also that he would get the Fallen to stop using our things for…stuff. Our portals, our confluxes, our wifi hotspots, have all been hijacked for various Fallen shenanigans. This Captain also showed me his Scorch Cannon, called it “Baroness bait” and proceeded to say a number of other things that aren’t worth mentioning here. Suffice to say, the likelihood of him actually being next in line for Kell is negligible at best. Negotiations continue with the Shanks and Servitors, who seem to be the most reasonable Fallen, even though they still shoot at us. Hopefully this goes better than our very brief Cabal Scorpius Summit.

Wyverns are jerks, but we need them: As you know, the Vex forces operating within the Sol System have not been combat types. Panoptes and Atheon were sysadmins, the Sanctified Mind was a regional sales rep, et cetera. With the arrival of the Wyverns, we can finally get some actual work done. Various complaints have been lodged, words like “sweaty” and “toxic” have floated around, but we chalk it up to a simple clash of cultures. You can’t claim to be bullied for knowing math when the bully is also a computer. The important thing to remember is that they are doing what they came here to do: mess with Guardians. Except for Titans. Many Titans and Wyverns are now friends. Either way, as long as they’re occupied.

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Once again, they thirst for our milk: Guardians are gross flesh bags (and mildly attractive Exos) who engage in bizarre rituals. We know of the Sitting, when Guardians repeatedly get up and sit down on our corpses—a warrior’s gesture of respect, as one Hunter told me. But this is about the Dawning, a time during which our “milk,” which seems to repulse Guardians every other part of the year and actually electrocutes them, becomes a baking ingredient. I can’t say it’s exactly bad—if you want to risk conversion, go right ahead—but we aren’t sure of the full extent of this…consumption. A Warlock “assured” me, as I was gawking at her collecting it, that her—I cannot make this stuff up—“magic oven” separated out the radiolaria from the brine, and the brine is what’s used in the baking. Ah. Now it’s a perfectly sane thing that you’re doing, thanks for clearing that up. Shooting ice is being tempted by evil, but baking sentient creatures into cakes is a holiday tradition. I’ll just let you all ponder that.

That’s it for now. I’ve been summoned to the Glassway to be a “cubbyhole invader,” whatever that is. Should be fun. And hopefully warm. Brain the size of a planet and they have me invading cubbyholes…

The transmission ends here. Other mutterings followed that were not mission relevant. Please forward this back to any Descendants who will have already not read this yet.

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