Destiny 2

Headcannon: Every Guardian’s jumpship contains a waffle iron

destiny2 6 - Headcannon: Every Guardian's jumpship contains a waffle iron
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Despite the fact that the Light can keep a Guardian sated, eating is still a comforting ritual to participate in before or after battle. It helps keep one grounded in reality, and serves as entertainment for the senses. Plus, not all jumpship operators are Risen. Jumpships are small, from what we can tell. Just enough space for a single pilot and their Ghost, so any cooking apparatus aboard must be small and multi-functional. And while some may argue that an


is the more likely cooking device for a small inner-solar system spacecraft, I argue that the waffle iron is an even better tool for the job.

Picture it: early morning in the Tower, and you take off for Io to make sure the Taken haven't gotten any new bright ideas. Having launched before breakfast, you'll just have to make do along the way. A quick mix of flour, sugar, powdered milk, vegetable oil, water, baking powder, and an egg from the jumpship's cooler, whipped up in a bowl, and poured into your greased waffle iron. About three minutes later, out comes a couple waffles which you enjoy with some fruit preserves.

Hours later, and you're flying like a bat out of hell for Mercury for a few Crucible matches. It would, of course, be nice to have a little something to eat before you get there. No problem! Just rehydrate some potato flakes, add some garlic powder, paprika, and an egg, and spoon it out into the lubed-up iron. Five minutes later, you pull out a perfectly fried potato waffle, to be served with your choice of tomato ketchup or red salsa.

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As the day draws to a close and you imagine the comfort of your dormitory bed in the Tower, you make your way back to your jumpship for the trip back home. Sadly, the Vanguard has other ideas and diverts you to Mars for an emergency supply run. Oh, well. At least you came prepared for this. Out of the cooler comes some meat; a gift from the Drifter. Knowing him, it's most likely the core muscles of a Red Legion soldier. You try not to think too much about it now. Sliced thin so it cooks fast, the meat (rubbed with vegetable oil) goes into the waffle iron as you prepare some vegetables (yellow squash today) and a batter like the one used in the morning waffles, except less sugar. When the meat's done, you remove the slices from the iron, and throw in your cubes of squash to get a head start. After a minute or two, in goes the batter, encasing the squash cubes in bread. The waffle is done and the meat is perfectly rested, and because the waffle has less sugar, it's not as crispy or brittle, so you can wrap it burrito-like around the meat. A little green salsa, and you have yourself a delicious waffle taco to keep you warm on the cold Martian surface.

Truly, the waffle iron is the perfect cooking appliance for the dashboard of a jumpship. Small, collapsible, relatively easy to clean, and because it heats the food from two surfaces at once, and both surfaces have a high surface area due to the waffle grid pattern, the food cooks fast. And as we can see in the recipes above, it's not a one trick pony. It makes more than just sweet breakfast treats. It's a true multitasker capable of lunch, dinner, and dessert as well. Truly, this must be the way our Guardians get grub on the go!

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