Destiny 2

So I Know This is a Crazy Concept for Most People Playing Iron Banner Today…

destiny2 5 - So I Know This is a Crazy Concept for Most People Playing Iron Banner Today...

Capture the zones. So when you capture the zones you capture the zones, and by capturing the zones you capture the zones to get more Capture the zones. If you just fire gun—who am I kidding—if you just spam stasis abilities, you don’t get as many capture the zone points because you didn’t capture the zones. I’m gathering that some of you are having trouble capturing the zones, so when you capture zones you stand by a letter to capture the zone until the capture the zone capturing clock reaches 100. If that occurs on your screen, you have captured the zone. Remember: capturing the zone helps your team capture the zones and if you capture the zones, your team can get more capture the zone points when you kill people with stasis because you have capture the zones.

So, I know we aren’t quite there yet, but stick with me here. We have a couple more points we need to go over.

Next point: Capturing the zone. Capture the zone. So capture the zone. Capture the zone, okay? It’s not hard to capture the zone. The zones needs to be captured, in order to capture the zone.

Next point: Make sure you’re always capturing zones. Remember Scourge? Just remember CAP-TURE THE FUCKING ZONES. Review time: capture the zone. So to capture the zone as we went over before when we talked about capturing the zone, you have to capture the zone by capturing the zone. Because…If you capture the zone, remember, You capture the zone. Also, by capturing the zone, you capture the zones by capturing the zones.

Did you ever wonder: “Durrrrrr why did I get like 76 kills just now with stasis and score is only 9 and they have 81 points and are using sword hilts only?!?!” Then did you ever look up and see lots of red letters on the map?! Perhaps 3 locked locks? Do you ever hear Calm Shaxx say something like “Now YOU are the prey?” Like 173 times in the last 2 minutes?! Well, capture the zones. Remember, capture the zones. Also, if you have zero ammo, no armor, and are at least holding a controller in an Iron Banner game….capture the zones.

Now, I know what you’re saying to yourself. You’re saying: “Self, urggghhhhhduhhhhhhh I already stood with team at beginning of match to light fire in my zone!!!! YOURE SAYING THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING DO THAT stasis grenade SHIT shatterdive AGAIN?!?!! WHAT?! WHAT?!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!!!!!!!!? whhhhaaaaaa casts stasis super that’s nuts!!!!!! stasis super

Also, you may be saying “OMG!!!! GOTTA CAPTURE ZONE!” Ooooof. Sorry, scooter, it’s 17-119, too little too late.


You might be wondering: “HOW CAN I CAPTURE ZONES IF IM ALWAYS SHATTERDIVING?!?!” To that, I say: “find yourself a red letter and shatterdive right into that sumbitch.”

You also might be thinking: “…but..but….do I shatterdive?” No, you capture zones. If you’re a Hunter, capture zones. If you’re a warlock, capture zones, if you’re a Titan, capture zones.

Before you move on to the last point, if you still are having a hard time understanding what I’m talking about, just start at the beginning of the post and read until you get back here. Actually, wait, no, go capture a zone. Right now. Go.






I know, it’s hard—I get it. We’re not all rocket scientists or engineers. I can’t tell you the amount of questions I get about this. For example, someone asked: “Hey Doc, do I need to be a Dr. like you to capture zones?!” And I said “of course not, xXSmellsLikeFarts420Xx, anyone can capture zones. I even handed a controller to my 6 year old, said nothing, snd he captured zones!” Another inquisitive young gamer messaged me the last time I had this TED Talk and asked: “So, I’m in Iron Clash, so I use stasis and kill frozen not-hunters, right? Why wrong?” My reply was: “oh! That’s easy, capture zones!” One of the most interesting questions that was brought up, “What’s the meaning of life, and what if time is not linear to other beings?” I pondered it, and then placed my hand on his shoulder and told him to “just capture zones” that man? Lord Saladin. The Zone Capper himself.

The Zones are labeled, for anyone who is having some trouble…they are labeled A, B, and C. EVEN IF YOU ARENT SURE IF YOUR TEAM HAS CAPTURED THE ZONES, CAPTURE THE ZONE.


A – Always

B – Be

C – Capping


Edit: As it stands, I’m 19 seconds into an iron banner match and the opposing team has a hunt….WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!! THERE SHOULD BE A MANDATORY AMOUNT OF ZONES THAT NEED TO BE CAPPED OTHERWISE the bounties will not complete. In addition to the objectives, every bounty should have an increasing amount of zones. 50-75-100-125. Then you get your shit.

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