First up, let me state that I'm a Division 6 player, and I don't care about whatever meta is the flavour of the month. I don't even know if my player can do a five star tombstone piledriver as a skill move, or whether he is usable as a False 9, substituted to right wing back with a catalyst slapped on him. If I pack a player that I like that's fun for me.
So let me tell you about Dani Parejo. I know the first thing you're thinking. Yes, (slaps roof), this bad boy can fit 60 whole pace in him. Right off the bat, you can run around with him and you're getting 60, which is a pretty high number. Except you won't be running around, you'll be mostly ambling about like you're in Day of the Dead. Dani Parejo is not a man who likes to be rushed. But even if he had the physical attributes to run, he definitely wouldn't because of his low and medium defensive and attacking workrates. Dani is more suited to leaning up against a bus stop with a cigarette in his mouth while the game goes on around him. The man's a genetic freak. He's got 92 stamina but has never exerted himself to even a tenth of that capacity. But that's all good news. Dani Parejo is never anywhere near a man defensively, so he's more or less open all the time. You can knock balls into him all day.
And this is where he excels. You know that skill game where the ball is fired into you, and you have to knock it into a clockwheel of selected miniature goals? That's Dani Parejo all game. Knock it into him and he'll pass it anywhere. The man could take the lid off a jar of mayonnaise with his booted feet. I just tell Inaki and Antoine to bomb blindly forwards like toddlers and rely on Dani to serve it up on a silver platter. They could practically trip over it and put it in the back of the net, which they're going to have to do because my shooting is woeful.
And let me tell you about the shooting. I play Dani Parejo as a CAM in a 41212 (wide). Most people think I'm playing a 4122, and I've left some guy in the changing rooms, but he's out there. He's just stood completely still, assuming that your Kante's vision is based on movement. He's on the edge of the box and he's waiting. Knock downs into the D? Top corner. Wild crosses that don't even make the penalty area? Top corner. Defender runs straight into you as the first line of defence? Top Corner.
I've played FIFA for 2 years now, and I've never scored a free-kick. I shoot every time. Every. Single. Time. More often than not you don't even need to have a goalkeeper, because I'm not troubling the goal in any way. On his debut for the club, Dani Parejo curled a beauty into the top corner. My first ever free kick goal. Did I watch the replay? Did I hell, because for Dani Parejo, that's just business as usual.
So in short, if you can pick him up for fewer than 2 million coins, I would. If you throw him into an SBC so that you can pick up a solid gold Dries Mehrtens, you've got no soul.
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© Post "An ode to Dani Parejo" for game FIFA 19.
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