Beautiful Butragueno: An Essay

FIFA19 8 - Beautiful Butragueno: An Essay

I needed a striker to pair up with CR7 in my 4-1-2-1-2. POTM Hazard had been doing that job for over 800 games (~600 goals and 350 assists) but with defenders getting bigger and better by the day, his finishing was iffy and his size a liability. I didn't do Raul sbc because I didn't like his loan card and had it languishing in my club with about 17 games left on it, but I decided to give him a second chance like Dumbledore. He was brilliant this time round.

Regrettably with his sbc long gone and his card upwards of 1.5 mil coins, I couldn't afford him. I also hedged too long and just missed out on doing Crespo despite him being my favorite striker last year. I like to pair up one target man (CR7) with another someone fleet-footed, and I was massively priced out of many of the special cards and icons and TOTY players so I hit up reddit. A couple of guys said try Butragueno. I was super hesitant because in paper he's a lot like Hazard who I was trying to replace and even smaller, so I tried out his loan card and I'm glad I did. For comparison here are some of the best strikers I've used (Fut 18 – CR7, R9, Crespo. Fut19 – CR7, TOTY Neymar, prime Raul, Messi, Ibra, Mbappe).

I finished his sbc and decided to debut him in this week's WL. He's currently 23 games in (19 goals 7 assists) but between that and the games for his loan card I've seen enough to have an opinion.

I've never felt the need to write one of these for any player ever because I'm lazy, but without preamble, here's a review for the dashing devil that is Emilio Butragueno.

PACE: I've seen others here say he looks like a Greek statue, and I don't know why the flag on his card says Spain because with that chiseled marble face and tousled golden locks, and 98 pace with Hawk, this bad boy is clearly the Greek god Hermes descended from Mount Olympus itself to kick it with the mortals. But, instead of dicking down chicks like Zeus he'll bangs in a different way – just straight up goals). In a game where Mertesacker cackles as he effortlessly chases down Sane like a playground bully and steals his lunch money, Emilio is quicksilver on the ball, and once he's through on goal, despair. Also, he's the best runner behind the defensive line I've ever used. He's not the quickest player I've used, that honor goes to TOTS Gomez last year, but he's close. 9/10.

DRIBBLING: The 3* skill moves does suck admittedly, because it means you can't spam la croquetas and hotfoot your way through defences like a yogi firewalker on flaming coals, but his L3 dribbling is beautiful to watch, up there with my POTM Hazard, and he handles like a dream. His Spanish heritage shines through because he'll twirl through the tightest crack like he's doing the flamenco. He's a slippery eel coated in slime. He will weave and wind his way through WL regulars Ramos and Van Dijk like a belly-dancer looking for extra tips on rent week. If you wanna stop him you gotta foul him. If not for the skill moves he'd be a Tennessee 10, but it's a 8.5/10 here.


SHOOTING: 5* for a weak foot means this baby-sized assassin can plunge in daggers from all angles, and his driven shots are razor sharp and will cut across goal into the net with ease (he's the most reliable driven shooter I've used so far in a game where they are wildly unreliable). However, also much like a seasoned assassin, he sneers at easy kills, because he'll bizarrely miss empty nets like they're beneath him, and it's often enough that it was noticeable for me. Frustrating as hell sometimes. The nerfing of timed shooting means finesse shots suck for all but the very best, and with his finesse shot trait, given him enough space on the edge of the box and he'll still bend them in with more curves than Kim Kardashian. And because he's an icon, even his long shots are better than average and will fly in if you get them right. He's a phenomenal penalty box finisher – 8.5/10

HEADING: I'm putting this in a separate category because it deserves a special mention. He's 5' 6". Hes often easily the tiniest guy on the field. No one this miniscule has the right to score headers as often as this lad does. Seriously. Haha, are you pissed about Messi and Griezmann winning headers against Ramos and Virgil? Hahahaha get ready to cry into your pillow because, did you know pipsqueak Emilio also moonlights as an Olympic high-jumper? I just literally whisper it's Christmas time when I cross. Cancelo hangs them up like mistletoe on a tinsel tree and Emilio rises to kiss the ball delightfully into the net. Someone check his boots because they are clearly spring-loaded. That or the aliens keep trying to beam him up during my matches because the way he goes up straight ignores gravity. Up there with CR7 in corners for me. Easy 10.

DEFENCE: Nothing to see here. He's a lightning bolt and will run down players on the break if you are the sort to defend with your strikers (a plague on you), but like a dog chasing a car, he won't do much when he catches them. He'll win some sure, but yeah kid's obviously not Kante. N/A out of 10

PASSING: Are you looking for a needle in a haystack? Call Emilio because he's everyone's favorite grandmother with a yarn and a sewing machine – he'll find that needle, and then thread a through pass through the eye of that needle. I don't long pass much but his short passing is amazing. 1-2s are better than your best wet dream if you use this guy in a two-striker formation. He's also a very good crosser of the ball. 9/10

So there you have it. One of my favorite strikers I've used this FIFA. He's pure, unabashed fun on the ball. Don't worry about sending him to games with nothing to eat. This kid will waltz onto the field like a kindergartener with an empty lunch pack and leave with a full belly because he'll beat your opponent up and steal their food.

So there you have it. Please don't do his sbc because the world has enough terrorists.

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