FIFA 19

Day 85 of Finesse Shot Simulator 2019 – My barren wasteland of a club…

FIFA19 6 - Day 85 of Finesse Shot Simulator 2019 - My barren wasteland of a club...

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Everything. He took everything. Every player sold. Every coin transferred. The monster even sent me a video of him discarding my Wigan home and away kits. My ultimate team was like Wayne Rooney’s head – empty. There was only one remaining hope, EA live chat.

After lying about my problem to get the live chat option I was connected with an advisor. I explained it all to him but he was no help; the solution being ‘visit the EA forums’. I enjoyed having someone to talk to though and told him about my situation. His relationship advice was also to visit the EA forums so he’s either reading a script or will be lonelier than a strand of hair on Jonjo Shelvey’s scalp.

Much like an episode of the Simpsons I’d been through a ridiculous journey yet found myself exactly as I started.

That evening I visited my brother. Jake was there, as I’d hoped he would be. He likes his games too and is the only person who can really match me intellectually, especially when it comes to FIFA. We’re very similar. In fact, he’s probably the smartest 8 year old I know!

I found out his parents credit details were already on his PlayStation so I introduced him to packs. He excitedly opened a 50k pack, getting Malcom. The disappointment quickly turned into desperation for another pack. I was so proud. EA mess up lots on FIFA but it’s definitely the best way to start an under 18 on the path to a crippling gambling addiction.

Unfortunately things went down hill after a game of Monopoly got a bit heated. I swear kids cry at anything nowadays. Jokes on them though I left with Bond Street, Trafalgar Square and 11 community chest cards.

On returning home I revisited my barren wasteland of a club. I’d heard being able to move my goalkeeper would make me a great player so I shoved some bronzes together and tried it. It was hopeless. I ended up moving my goalkeeper so far he ran down the tunnel and refused to come back on. Or at least he wishes, in reality he just conceded again.

Read:  Pro Players' Teams Megathread

Moments later I was interrupted by the phone ringing. It was my brother and he was furious. His little angel had spent £1348 on FIFA points and apparently that was my fault and I’d ruined Christmas! That was the final straw, I hung up and stormed outside. How had my life come to this, all because of timed finesse shots!

Suddenly I stopped, eyes fixated on what was in front of me. It was Mr Bubbles. Janice’s beloved British shorthair looked up at me with its large Shrek 2 Puss-in-Boots style eyes. I felt like it was mocking me, the embodiment of my failures. I tried to stay calm, after all my actions here could see me spend Christmas behind bars. I looked up. The window I finessed it through was patched up with a large X set out in tape. A target. A challenge. The rage pulsated through me. I stepped my right foot back, steadied myself and took a breath…

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