Buckle your seatbelts, ladies and gents – we’re about to go on one hell of a ride.
Where do I start – El Niño is the jack of all trades, and the God damn master of a few too. Do you remember watching Prime Torres absolutely destroy Vidic, who was possibly the best defender in the league at the time? Yeah, that’s what my Torres is doing this weekend league*
*against opponents equal to or worse than me.
His pace is incredible. He goes 0-100 quicker than my stress levels when I concede another rebound goal. He burns past defenders easily, and his agility with a sniper chem style is exceptional. Even though I’ve got him on 8 chemistry, it may as well be 800, the boost is that noticeable. To be fair, I don’t notice his low balance. I’m not even sure what it does. Prime Ibra has like 40 balance and pulls my pants down every time I play against him.
Torres’s main attribute is his shooting. Sure, one on one finesse shots look nice, and he has a way of sneaking them in past the keeper. But you really notice his shot power – an incredible 98 without a boost. He absolutely thumps the ball with no remorse. God forbid it misses the target, it’s gonna break your arm if you’re in the crowd. Near post, doesn’t matter. Keeper has no time to react. El Niño punishes the ball.
I’ll be honest – coming from Prime Crespo, I’m used to not being able to play through balls with my striker. But Torres has 86 short passing and 83 vision. Do these make a difference? Maybe, I don’t know. All I know is Torres has quite a few assists for a striker whose job it is to smash them top corner. His link up play is exceptional – he has the strength to hold everyone off, then the tact to lay off a subtle assist. The only way it could look more beautiful is if he had those luscious blonde locks he was famous for at Liverpool.
I don’t know how many headers he scored in his prime, but I reckon about 30% of his goals come from being a fantastic aerial threat. 94 jumping and 89 heading are no joke, he will make your POTM Van Dijk look like Tyrion Lannister the way he towers over him.
Torres is just so versatile, and has become my favourite player this year. I usually complete most SBCs with little consideration as to how I will fit them in the team – worst comes to the worst I just dump their high rated asses into a future SBC! I’m so, so pleased I did this one, and if you didn’t.. well, I don’t really feel sorry for you because you probably have an Optimus Prime Megatron Icon instead. Torres isn’t the most talented or highest rated player in my squad – but he’s arguably the most fun. Just a damn good striker.
My team for anyone interested (4231 in game)
90 Alves 90 Silva 89 Luiz 81 V.Aanholt
————89 Kante 83 Bakayoko
88 F.Anderson 88 Suso 90 Aubameyang
Torres record: P:27 G:25 A:15
All Ultimate difficulty squad battles and WL against top 100 players only, I promise!
TL;DR Torres has the pace, dribbling, finishing and aerial ability to be the perfect #9, and I have too much time on my hands writing this.
edit: team formatting because I’m writing on my phone/I’m a moron
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