What’s up lads, I’m back with another review.
This time it’s on Scream Hulk because I’m a shit cunt and I need boosted cards to help me win. All 10 games as usual from D3.
Chem: 4 because I threw him in my bundes/laliga hybrid because I couldn’t be fucked making a squad to suit him but guess what it didn’t even fucken matter because this bloke is broken
- Card says 88, feels like 99. Bloke is absolutely rapid, it doesn’t help that he launches every bloke off of him mid sprint but nobody can catch him & even if they do, he throws them like you do to your cum sock at 2am.
- 87 shooting and it’s a minimum, anything with his left foot is a goal. I don’t give a shit where you shoot from, it goes in. IF it doesn’t go in, it drops nicely to your striker to score – basically how he got all his assists for me. Broken.
- Card reckons 86, I reckon it’s irrelevant. Why? Because once he gets the ball all you have to do is smack that joystick and watch him chase his own heavy touch. Passes aren’t necessary for this guy. Bada bing bada through on goal.
- card says 82 and id say that’s fair, he’s a very one dimensional player, he doesn’t feel silky enough to me to be able to run rings like Scream Navas is but he’s strong enough to find his way through. Having 4* skills helps but they don’t feel as controlled as I’d have hoped.
- As you’d think, not the best. He sucks at tackling, your only hope of defence is if you’re running shoulder to shoulder with an attacker and push him off the ball.
- Easily my favourite trait, he cannot be thrown off the ball it is borderline ridiculous. I’ve had 2 guys in the 10 games get frustrated with the fact they can’t go shoulder to shoulder that they just take me out and get sent off. Great asset.
- his right foot is a bit of a let down, yes it’s 3* which is manageable but it’s still not as good as i would have hoped for. He cannot jump or head the ball to save his life, he’s planted to the floor. His volleys are also hit and miss, they either fly into the top corner or they hit row z and kill a bird.
All in all, I managed to do him for 75k which to me is a bargain. Ill definitely have to build a sweaty Brazilian team, put my feet up and think about Fifa 12.
- TLDR if you want a player who you tell shoot and he says goal. This is your bloke. He’s not slimy like Messi and he’s not going to get you out of tight situations but he will score you goals, he will create the rebounds for tap ins and he will launch cunts into orbit. If that sounds like your type of superhero, get yourself a hulk.
Any questions, let me know!
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