The Art of FIFA (By Sun Tzu)

FIFA19 10 - The Art of FIFA (By Sun Tzu)

2500 years later and his wisdom still holds good…

The Art of FIFA, Book 1 – LAYING PLANS

Laying Plans

  1. Sun Tzu said: The art of FIFA is of vital importance to the player.

  2. It is a matter of life and death, a road to either Gold III or to a broken controller. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.

  3. The art of FIFA, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one's deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions in obtaining in the WL win.

  4. These are: (1) Decent Connection; (2) EAids; (3) Home Stadium; (4)The Controller; (5) Inconstistency;

  5. The Decent Connection causes the players to be in complete accord with the person controlling, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any Zlatan or parked bus.

  6. EAids signifies night and day, cold and heat, times and finesse shots.

  7. Home Stadium comprises distances, great and small; danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; the chances of life and a decent through ball.

  8. The Controller stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerely, benevolence, bullshit and rage.

  9. Inconsistency is to be understood as the marshalling of the team in its proper Chemistry styles, the graduations of strong links among the players, the maintenance of passing lanes by which the ball may reach the striker, and the control of the bullshits and EAids that will ensue.

  10. These five points should be familiar to every player: he who knows them will be victorious; he who doesn’t know them, will rage (and many controller will be broken).

  11. Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine the team conditions, let them be made on the basis of a comparison……

  12. Which of the two teams is imbued with the Decent Connection?

  13. Which of the two players has most green bars?

  14. Which of the two teams has the higher pace?

  15. With whom lie the advantages derived from the Home Stadium?

  16. On which team is park the bus most rigorously enforced?

  17. Which team has the higher rating?

  18. On which team are the defenders, midfielders and strikers more deeper?

  19. In which team is there the greater constancy both in reward and bullshit?

  20. In which team is there Zlatan?

  21. By means of these eight considerations I can forecast victory or defeat.

  22. The player that hearkens to my counsel and acts upon it, will conquer: let such a one be retained in control! The player that hearkens not to my counsel nor acts upon it, will suffer defeat:–let such a one rage and break his controller.

  23. While heading the profit of my counsel, avail yourself also of any helpful circumstances over and beyond the offside rules and other BS that will ensue.

  24. According as circumstances are favorable, one should park the bus.

  25. All FIFA is based on Timed Finesse shots. (and Park the Bus)

  26. Hence, when able to attack, we must park the bus; when using our players, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near… by parking the bus.

  27. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him. And then park the bus.

  28. If he has already parked the bus, then be prepared for him. If he is in superior rating, park the bus.

  29. If your opponent is of choleric temper, park the bus. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. Then park the bus.

  30. If he is taking his ease, park the bus. If his forces are united, park the bus.

  31. Park the bus where he is unprepared, park the bus where you are not expected.

  32. These FIFA devices, leading to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

  33. Now the player who wins a match makes many calculations in his temple where the battle is fought. The player who loses a battle makes but few Timed Finesse shots beforehand. Thus do many Timed Finesse shots to lead to victory, and park the bus to avoid defeat. It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose.

End of Book 1 'Laying Plans'

By Sun Tzu

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