God of War

PSA: How God Of War 4 ruined my life (humor)

God of War 9 - PSA: How God Of War 4 ruined my life (humor)
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I started out as a casual gamer. I was a fan of the original games, and was just looking forward to a epic hack and slash adventure where I killed shit and had sex with random girls I'd find while a city was being destoryed. Normal God Of War stuff.

Then it started.

I was instantly hooked and attached to these characters, and for a while the game made my life better. I started exercising because I didnt want to be weak anymore. I mended my relationship with my father after I realized that the reason I hated him was he didn't know how to be a good father because of how he was raised. I started going out and enjoying nature until I realized winter sucks and I figured id wait till summer to enjoy it.

Then things got bad. No matter what the situation I kept refering to my girlfriend as boy, and replying in cold sarcastic remarks. Once we saw two people broke down on the side of the road, and she asked if we should stop and help them to which I replyed "hey did not stop us, so they do not need out help."

Things got really bad when her mom was over and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a kid, to which I went and digged them out of the floorboards like they were the Blades of Chaos…..after putting on the ambient noise from that scene and yelling "I am your monster no more" at a picture of my mom.

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They knew it was weird, but they figured I was just on cocaine. How wrong they were. After they looked at my embarressing childhood pictures we decided to head out for dinner. They wore nice dresses….I wore a suit of fur armor with a battleaxe on my back and a severed head halloween decoration on my hip.

My girlfriend asked if I knew any good places around. I said sushi. She asked where. I said in the direction of sushi.

Read:  (Obvious Spoilers Are Obvious) Will We Kill the Aesir In the God of War 5 and 6?

Long story short I was left on the side of the road, and was now single. Later that night, I was fired from my jobe because I was yelling O over and over while punching pizza dough flat.

My landlord then kicked me out, not only because he found out I had buried scrapbooks in the floor boards, but also because I beat up the electrician he sent while yelling Thor.

Now im homeless, jobless, worst of all single, and living in a cabin in the woods trying to climb mount everest in really not warm enough clothes to scatter some ashes I got out of a fire place

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