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Non-Hunter Reviews The Canteen on Yelp

478445 AARA1 1024x576 - Non-Hunter Reviews The Canteen on Yelp
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The Astera Canteen — 1 Star

Where do I even begin? Let me preface this by saying I don't usually write reviews, but after the horrendous experience my wife and I had last night at The Astera Canteen, I felt it necessary. The Astera Canteen sits atop a small plateau overlooking the entire Ancient Forest and ocean, it's beautiful. In fact, the view is the only reason I'm even giving this place 1 star. You'll see why in a minute.

The night started off like any other night, with me asking her what she wanted to eat and then me having to pick (only to have her criticize my selection) so I thought, "How's about The Astera Canteen?" We'd never been before but it must be good or something because it seems like everyone in Astera only eats there. We arrived via Lyft system and right away we knew we were in for a bad time. They had all their seafood and produce hanging from the ceiling… completely outside in the open! This was a huge health violation and they were openly flaunting it. We should've left right then and there but that would've meant my wife was right about my dining choice and as a man, I couldn't let that happen… so we stayed.

All the tables there were occupied, nowhere to sit at all. We were off to a good start. This one woman had a table all to her freaking self! It was covered in books and empty bowls…it was a real mess; It looked like she had been there for hundreds of hours! We eventually took a seat at the bar (which was just a giant rock) and were greeted by A TALKING CAT asking how we would be paying for our meal. Apparently, if you are a Canteen Club member you can use your points to pay but since I'm not, it was just cash for me. They told me upfront that it would be $300!!! BEFORE EVEN SEEING THE MENU!!! I was ready to leave but my wife was now having fun at my expense (quite literally) and wanted to stay. I had made my bed. Now I must sleep in it I suppose. We got our hands on some menus (if you can even call them that). It was just a list of dishes. No pictures or descriptions as to what we were ordering! To play it safe, we just ordered the most basic sounding names we saw.

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So going off of names alone, I ordered the "Meat Platter" while my wife got the "Veggie Platter". We were then greeted with a hibachi-style show performed by the head chef, another talking cat. This cat however was huge and also very rude. He kept calling me "scrawny". I'm 6ft tall, 250lbs — I wouldn't call that "scrawny". After the show, a smaller cat brought us our meals. Upon seeing my food, I was immediately frustrated. I have a severe shellfish allergy and I saw that my meal came with shrimp. Had their menus had any pictures or descriptions, I would have known that when I ordered. So I guess my wife and I were sharing a Veggie Platter now… or so I thought. When we saw her meal, we were shocked to see that IT WAS THE SAME EXACT THING I ORDERED! I told them there must be some sort of mistake as my wife ordered the "VEGGIE" Platter. They just looked at us like WE were in the wrong! My wife enjoyed her "veggie" platter while I started on the only thing I COULD eat, the vegetable stew. It was actually pretty decent but my enjoyment was quickly short-lived after I found fur in my stew. I attempted to get a refund or at the very least a complimentary stew but the head chef gave me this intimidating stare and said I had already eaten then proceeded to ask me to leave. I was more than happy to oblige.

Never in my life have I been so turned off by an experience as this. You can rest assured I won't be dining at The Astera Canteen again anytime soon! Before we left, we decided to talk to the manager of Astera. He was an older looking man they just called "Commander". After telling him of our night, he told us a story about a time when he and his wife ate there once. As it turns out, he had a bad experience his first time there too. When I asked where his wife was now, he just looked at me with this sad face and said, "Dragon-ate-her." We expressed our condolences and went on our way.

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Hugh G. Rection
Sacramento, CA


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