My brother attempted suicide today and I don’t know how to cope. We bought overwatch on release day both on our computers and we enjoyed playing together. We both dreamed of playing in OWL league one day. Well, I lost interest in the game 6 months ago and I couldn’t stand dealing with rude players on almost a daily basis and plus life has changed. I got a full time job and a baby to care for. Overtime since we got the game, my brother changed. He changed from a laid back, super nice and analytical guy, to a guy who sits all day playing this game despite how frustrated he clearly was and sometimes yell at the screen. There were times where he’d get off the game to cry and have depressive bouts about how he feels useless to his team, or if he’ll ever be good enough to be a professional gamer. I told him several times to stop playing the game because it’s very clear he’s not enjoying it. All he cared about is his own dream of being a part of a gaming league. My brother always complained that he will get yelled at by other players for trying to coordinate with them and he was blamed for the loss for whatever reason.
Just a couple of nights ago, I finally played the game with him and went through a couple of bouts of competitive and there were moments were we were raged at for not playing optimally. I got yelled at for not healing our teammates as mercy and my brother was told he sucked at Soldier and was told very mean things. My brother can be very sensitive to these things so I had to tell him to get off so he can calm down. After the game I got off and tried to call him to calm him down. He was in tears and he wasn’t usually the type to cry. I invited him to see the new Spider-Man movie with my fiancé and daughter and he seemed to be okay with it.
The night that we invited him to see a movie, he never showed up. I texted him and no response. I called him and left a message he never returned my calls. He lives with my mother so I called her and even she didn’t know where he is. My brother is usually very reliable and always shows up on time. The fact that he is not responding was concerning. I couldn’t worry and focus on a movie at the same time so I cancelled our plans and continued texting him. I tried to fight it off as him just taking a walk maybe. I have a tendency to worry too much.
I then received a phone call from my mother asking if I had seen him. I said I didn’t see him and then she brought up a note that we confirmed was a possible suicide note. We called the police and had to go out and look for him. We got a call from the police saying that he jumped off an overpass into the freeway and is in the hospital. We don’t know if he’s going to make it. And I can’t bear to think about what happens if he’s gone.
I can’t even process what happened anymore. I pray to God to give him, myself and my mother strength. At that point, I will take away all of his games change his blizzard email(I paid for and created an account for him as a surprise gift) and password and uninstall overwatch and other games. I want to save all of my earnings from my job to get him the help he needs. This game meant everything to him. I don’t care. He needs help. He said in the note that he wants to be a somebody and be worth something. He wants to be recognized by people. He wants to have talent. I think he saw Overwatch as a way of being way to feel like he’s respected.
Well. He is wrong. He is valued. He is worth something. And I love my brother and best buddy. I want him back.
Please be nice to others. You never know what that person is going through in their life and push them hard and they will end up like my brother. Don’t be mean and know that it’s just a game. Most of you are not paid to play and most of you are not good enough to play in league. Please relax and understand games are meant to be fun.
Please send prayers as this is a very difficult time for me and my family.
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